Bitchicisms

One of the reasons I like hanging out with guys is because I learn things other girls don't normally learn. Like this tidbit I picked up recently from the evil Bv.

We were hanging out and drinking with a bunch of boys when one of the kids said that he was so loyal to his girlfriend that he can't even get his dick up when he has the opportunity to sleep with another girl.

That was when the evil Bv, the malevolent ring master of this little testosterone-filled boy overrun world I live in right now, pulled his chair closer to the confiding boy and imparted some of the most annoying (yet apparently effective) missives regarding cheating.

First, the evil Bv said (in a very low voice as we all knew he was scared as hell of being figured out by his ghost girlfriend) that there was a difference between being loyal and being faithful. A loyal man strays, but always comes back, like a dog. For him, it's just going around and sampling all the other offers but always returning to home. And yes, exactly like a dog.

However, being faithful on the other hand, means never cheating, never straying and never having any extra curricular relationships or activities.

Then, Bv imparted the wittle boy and the rest of the enthralled audience (including the amusing morsel I had by my side who has a girlfriend after all), with how to overcome the erectile dysfunction syndrome of first time cheaters.

There would always be that guilt involved when you do it the first time (or so Bv explains) which will cause the penis to resist the final act. So to overcome that, the mastermind Bv recommends....a blow job.

He even goes so far as to advise wittle boy to pleasure the girl first, kiss her and go down on her and make her come, then gently position her mouth on his cock to ask for a blow job so he can get hard and screw.

Wittle boy responded by saying that even his tongue seems to lose its adroitness when in that situation as he can't even French kiss properly.

To this Bv gives more sage advice, " Don't try. Don't even use you tongue. Go for the neck then the tits then kiss her there. Then that's when you go down on her and after she comes you maneuver her like this." Yes Bv goes so far as to demonstrate how to hold the girl until she's ready to give a blow job.

Bv is a very dear friend. And the only thing keeping me from dismissing this entire thing as anti-female hogwash was my drunkenness and the thought that girls can use this too. But seriously, if you really wanted to cheat then maybe your body parts would cooperate?

I gave a thought to serious cheaters and they didn't seem to have any problems, and I can totally respect and relate to wittle boy and his uncooperative penis. One thing that I forgot to ask was if wittle boy even liked the girl who he could've fucked if his penis had only cooperated.