Bitchicisms

"...I believe in what I see. That's why I'm a relatively rich man. That's also why I'm a living man. Most people they don't believe what they see... Not unless it goes along with what they already believe." -Richard Ginelli, Thinner by Stephen King

I've been uncertain about posting recent escapades here about a certain someone (haha, let's call him H), since things are still in the "prep" stage.

Well to be perfectly honest the above reason was a lie.

I haven't been posting about H recently because I am halfway in like with him. Yes. In Like. Not the other L-word, this one. In like.

We've gone out on at least one decent date.

And yes we've made out. Twice.

It's been difficult getting together since he's so fucking popular at all of the places we usually go to. These places are his hang outs and we always run into people who know him, sometimes even people who know me. So alone time is pretty rough. particularly since our schedules are both insane.

Bottom lines:

1. I could really, really like him.

2. I'm not 100% sure what his intentions are.

3. He's still remarkably skinny. (Yeah I can be that shallow.)

4. I am obsessing.

I see this stage of dating as a game. It's all a cat and mouse game. You catch someone's attention then you run and wait for them to catch up. Which is sort of what we're both doing I guess.

Well I'm sort of certain this is what I'm doing. However self-preservation states that I obsess about the situation while trying incessantly to avoid any emotional outpouring.

I don't want to get too involved. I also don't want to get upset, rejected, hurt, disappointed and played.

A couple of friends told me that if he's been hanging around this long just to get laid, then he must have the patience of a saint. Well maybe he does. I dunno.

We haven't actually had the ominous "Where is this headed?" conversation however he hinted that we should play it by ear, which is always a good move.

What's been bugging me is that I recently saw him getting a tad bit too close to some other girl one of the times we hung out. I was talking to C, who I haven't seen in ages, and I saw H talking to some girl and using a finger to caress her neck.

So ok, she's an old friend, he claims she's one of his wingchicks, but really, just seeing the whole "...using a finger to caress her neck." line above gets my goat.

I let him know I saw something through SMS and he insisted he had a perfectly good explanation. An explanation I refused to hear the next time we hooked up.

This is a guy who I can speak with freely and not have to censor myself. So far, everything has been going fine except for the whole dilemma about when and how we're going to go out again (since our schedules are extremely contradictory).

However, it's either I'm in self-preservation mode, aka drop that shit and run because of my multiple fears (of rejection, disappointment, and god forbid, commitment and emotional attachment). Or my warning signs are ringing off the hook. Fact of the matter is, yeah I've been sleeping with one of his friends for a while now. And the same fear stands, what if he just wants to get some, same as V.

I have no problems with V being an FB. I mean. He's just...that. An FB. We make no pretenses. H however...well...he acts differently. And sadly he's not hot enough to be an FB. But he gets me enough and I like him enough to be something else.

Yes I am being a dork. And yes people who know me and him who read this will laugh like hell.

But. The above passage from Thinner has given me a whole new perspective. I'll believe it when I see it. Since I can't trust what i feel (hell yeah, women have instincts but I have no idea what my instincts are telling me), I'll believe what I see. If he's nice, sweet, honest, focused on me (yes I am that vain and as much of a narcissist as I appear to be) and all that good crap, then we'll take it from there.

I swear I will stop obsessing. And yes, I have found an emergency brake J. Hopefully if this other asshole amuses me it'll keep my mind off H.

Male competition is doing wonders for my ego.

The day after my frst date with H I started chatting with V. He apologized (again) for symbolically crashing our date, claiming he was clueless. But this irreverently lovable pothead ended up asking me to hook up that same night.

It was funny and yet disturbing that these 2 guys who are seemingly close friends seem intent on one-upping each other when it comes to their number of notches on my belt.

Of course, being the beneficiary of such an arrangement, I made no bones about saying yes to sex with V.

Then V had a project come up so we were cancelled. I made plans with old high school buddies to meet up at the same place I puked the night before, the venue of my first date turned group date.

Just as I'm getting ready to leave the house, I get this weird ambiguous message from V who seems to be alluding that we were still on. I confirmed and he said yes, we were back on track unless I was already unavailable. So there, I told him to wait til 10pm I was just meeting some friends.

Hung out a little with old HS friend M and bf D. It was a steady chilling fun ngiht semi-filled with reminiscing and bumping into people I knew from college(ran into my tall child M who hung around to chat and org elder goddess R as I was leaving). Kept up constant stream of SMS with stoned V who initially went to my hosue instead of to our meeting place (later as he was taking me home he couldn't remember if it was the same house he'd gone to).

After all that he ended up at the right place and asked me to go down and meet him at the spot where I puked. Presumably he's either shy or ashamed to be seen with me as I was just at the same place with H the night before.

So we met up. We went to Sogo, which he says he's never been to (kinda believable as he didn't know which channel the porn was).

Our sex was delicious. I came 7 times while he kept hard all throughout. His style, a mixture of rough and tender caresses keep me insane. He lightly brushes his lips against my tender cold skin and raises goosebumps.

He roughly pulls me into one sexual position after another, producing sensations that drive me insane. Yes this is an ode to how good V makes me feel. And yes he does make me feel that good.

We spend the entire three hours in a frenzy, trying to make use of every goddamn minute in the room. He's a cutie, a voracious sex partner and a skilled lover.

I had a feeling he was trying to raise steep competition for H, should H be willing to join the big leagues. Of course I didn't tell him that H hinted that if I wanted to "up my exercise program" I should go to him. And of course V is aware that nothing happened with H the night before, as he met up with H after H took me home.

Of course H had asked V's permission to ask me out. And of course V would assume H wants the same treatment he's been getting. The hook ups and bootie calls. Could be he wants me to keep in mind how much better he is than H, not that I can compare...not yet...