Bitchicisms

What sucks about several people knowing you've slept with someone is the ill-conceived, often misunderstood and often misinterpreted notion that there is a territory.

This is funny because I somehow feel like some free floating happy island filled with perpetually stoned inhabitants when a smart ass Catholic contingent plunges a flag into my beautiful and rich soil to claim me in the name of some godforsaken pompous kingdom in the name of a god I neither know of or even believe in.

This concept of ownership is arcane, juvenile and obsolete for me. Mainly because I am not in any relationship and as of the present do not particularly want to be in any relationship and I do not equate fucking with purchasing or even leasing.

Someone was supposed to drink with Bv and I and a couple of other people today. A young boy who moves in the same circle I rotate in with Bv and Ry and others. This boy ended up not going. Bv theorized he must've felt weird about it cos Ry would know for certain that I had invited him and not Ry. Ry barely talks to me.

In fact Ry does not talk to me even when I am beside him. Even when I am already looking at him. As a matter of fact Ry sometimes does not speak to me when I speak to him. So I do not consider myself his territory at all. But since Bv is a man just like Ry and New Young Boy appear to be, I guess I have to buy his explanation.

Which sucks. Because I happen to like NYB (New Young Boy). I don't really feel the urge to fuck him yet. Maybe that will come in time. But. I do not like this one bit. It makes me want to buck whatever conventions they have in the group.

I AM NOT ANYONE'S TERRITORY.

Come over here and fuck me! Tie me up spank me make me come make me yours. Own me do me make me bleed. Fuck me. Now.

As I mentioned in another post, I've been feeling bad lately because I'm gaining weight.

I used to be a really fat girl and I've managed to keep most of the weight I lost a couple of years ago. Now my goal is to go lower the scale.

This is hard cos I have a mean sweet tooth and I've stopped jogging and have become very sedentary in my ways. One of my goals for the year is to turn my body into a weapon. And I fully intend to do that.

I don't want to be the fat girl I once was. Despite still getting laid and getting offers in my current state I'd rather be a weapon. Why? Because it's more fun that way. I want my body as a weapon. A lethal weapon.

Warning: This is an ego post.

In the midst of a low self-esteem weekend where I am worrying about the weight I've gained (which I will post about later), I recognize and realize my natural hotness.

That would sound incredibly egotistical if I didn't know it were true.

Sure I have both low and high self esteem at the same time. But I know I have an appealing face and though my body is becoming chubbier, it's always been full and curvy with a natural hourglass shape.

Ok so I am not model material but as I've been told begrudgingly by people, I have a personality that makes people look at me. It's what I call a natural attitude. It's this audacity and pomp that draws eyes. People automatically wonder who the fuck I think I am to act the way I do.

It doesn't always work of course. I do sometimes turn it off. But now more often than not it's on and I use it to my advantage. Probably because I've managed to keep most of the weight I lost off. Probably because I am accomplishing things. Or maybe it's all just in my head. Like everything else.

Not all people find me hot. But I'm getting on that right now.

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I last had sex a little over a month ago. And yes that last time was with Ry. Long periods of celibacy are no problem for me, and the groping and sucking morsels from O and Ry have been tiding me over.

Weirdly enough I am now so turned on that I cannot function enough to clean my room and would rather go to YouPorn. This is so unlike me. But hey I am masturbating already.

In the midst of a silly little spat (which actually turns out to be an eye opener for me), O asked me why I had a sex blog. He even mocked me. Asked if it was to solicit sex on the internet, for pride, ego or whatever.

I was stunned to even answer. That he would think I'd blog to get laid. I don't need to blog to get laid. All I needed to do was want it and I can get it.

Was this blog for ego? For pride? He alluded that I had made him and his friends my trophies. That's possible. Though they aren't great catches, it amuses me when I think: hey, I got to fool around with 3 guys who are friends. Still, if I were to really brag why not name names here?

But the real deal? Why I write here? Because it turns me on. And I have things to say. So I send out my little thoughts to the mass entanglements of the interwebs and see if people notice.

My friends who have read this enjoy it. Mostly because they are amused by the notoriety it lends them when they are mentioned, or the notoriety of having a friend who fucks and tells.

And it turns me on really. I like to write. And I like writing about what I know and who and what I do.

Hey.

Wake up.

Yes. I know.

Shh...don't be too loud, they're all asleep.

Here. Put your hands on me. There. There. Now curl those fingers. Yes.

Kiss me. Bite my neck. Yeah. Like that. I know. Can you feel that? Hmm... My pussy's wet and I'm grinding on top of you. Yes I can feel your hands on my ass. Shhh...we don't want them to wake up.

You're so hard. And wet. Uhm, and tasty too. I like sucking you.

Well, cos you're not too big or too small, you're just right. And cos you squeeze me when I suck your cock. Spank me.

I know. Your legs are tense and your balls are tight. Good, your cock's swelling. Pre-cum leaking. I'm licking it off you as fast as it drips.

Come in my mouth. Grip my hair with your hand as I swallow your jizz.

Dominate me. Punish me. Hold me hard. I can barely breathe but it feels fucking amazing. Bite your lips, don't moan out load, they might hear.

Rip away all pretenses of being tender or gentle. Fuck my mouth like the animal you are.

Yes. Just like that.

When 2007 rolled to a close I made a pledge to never be guilty. This means two things: that I would never do something I would be guilty of and that I would never be guilty of things I do.

Coming fresh off a conversation with O wherein he basically tells me I am a talkative slut, I feel kind of guilty that he is ashamed because some people know about him. And because he is mentioned in this blog.

A part of me is thinking: He has been objectified. And he does not like it.

Another part of me is thinking: Oh god. I've messed up a friendship.

He claims I talk too much. And that I am fuck and tell. I try to tell him that it doesn't matter if other people know that we've been groping or not. All that matters is how people know him.

He does not accept that. And kind of berated me. For how I am and how I live my life.

One of the banes of our friendship has always been his perception of me and his deeply ingrained conservative and somewhat chauvinistically male personality. Now as I come from this conversation which has somewhat drained my resources, I come to see the fact that he has been an asshole lately. He knows I adore him so and as such often takes advantage of that. He is lax and inconsiderate and I am often his examples for his stories on what is wrong with this or that.

And I suddenly realized, why am I so goddamn affected? Why do I even want to be this man'[s friend? And why do I even take his penis in my mouth.

Fuck his shame and his embarrassment. It is not my fault that he has placed his penis in my mouth. And at least I was finally honest with him, maybe I shouldn't have been a hundred per cent honest. Maybe I should've just kept this all to myself. Then I just realized: FUCK THAT.

His parting words were that this was why he never slept with me, because I was fuck and tell. And that he was right in his judgment. Yes. He is right. Because if any man I ever slept with said those words to me. I would've slapped him til he bled to get the hypocrisy out.

Never. Ever. Will I place that man's penis inside my mouth. Never ever will I show an inch of concern. And never, no more doting or favors or goddamn fucking anything.

If he needs to judge other people as wrong or bad or evil to feel right to feel better about themselves, then let him use other people to do so. I am tired of being judged. And I am tired of being used.

I will be guilt free. No matter what. It's not my fault he likes getting blow jobs. So don't blame me. It's my mouth, my experience, my right to say and do and write whatever the fuck I want about that experience.

I've always been happy and perfectly content being my honest self. Meaning I've been open and liberated and vocal about who I am and what I enjoy. And yes people have called me names like whore, slut, bitch and others. It just doesn't bother me anymore.

O tells me it's because I fuck and tell.

I recently admitted to O that there was an existing sexblog that I was writing. And he seemed cool with it. Now he's become upset that he's in it. And that I told a friend about him. By "about him" I mean that a friend that I wanted to be his friend knows that we've been fooling around.

He says I am fuck and tell while he is discreet. He presumes to know my friend more than I do. He assumes to know more about the "party scene" more than I do.

What sucks for me is that while as a general rule I adore the man, consider him more of a friend than he does me and generally like him, he has always been lukewarm and a bit judgmental about me and my lifestyle. Knowing that he is a closet conservative does not help either.

Our conversations sometimes end up making me feel bad about myself. With all his inane statements mixed with his poor command of the language. He brings me down. Because he often judges me. Judges what I do.

This outweighs the fact that I have an innate care and adoration for him that is inherent in my feelings for all my guy friends.

It makes me rethink why he is my friend at all. He is not considerate of me and does not genuinely like me. I am past the time when I wanted us to be close and confide in him. Because I know all this will come back to bite me in the ass.

He seems so...small. Like he only likes his world and everyone else is doing things wrong. Like he has to belittle everyone to feel good about himself. Like things have to be done his way or he's wrong. And yes he assumes to be always right.

This is a delayed post that was supposed to be for the January 22, 2008 Roe v. Wade anniversary.

Yes I am pro-choice. I've always known I was pro-choice. Even after withstanding years of videos of fetuses being ripped from the wombs of their mothers courtesy of my pseudo-sadistic Catholic school upbringing, I am still pro-choice.

But why is that? I guess partly because I've had a rough life. And I was born to a woman who has always struggled with being a good mother. And she has raised a daughter who grew up a little too fast and a son who seems to never grow up. I've also met children who should never have been born because something in their family life cause them to mess it up. There are also children who die much more miserably after being born unwanted. There are also women with lives ruined because they had children. And there are women who have abortions that are illegal.

1) K was a classmate in high school. She was a close friend of a friend. I remember how people were not very fond of her. Mostly because she built her life around her boyfriend. The salacious, thuggish and kinda gangsta Bd.

Bd was the head of a frat who claims to have the most members in the nation. This notoriety leads to the common known pun that they have brods who are taho vendors and fishball vendors. Which is true I bet. This frat doesn't really encourage its members to succeed or build themselves intellectually.

K and Bd were having sex when I was still reading Judith Krantz and mastering masturbation. They always seemed so much older than me and my close friends. We were part of a clique but the clique was broken in half. The 2 girls who had boyfriends (K and another named Cd), and the young kids (myself, Jp and Ic) who did not even have suitors and were predictably awkward growing up.

K got pregnant when we were juniors. Actually we never used that term. She did not get pregnant. She got delayed. She proceeded to take some drugs her boyfriend gave her and did about 100 crunches a day. She got really nice abs but still no period.

While she was trying her damn best to get her period started, they (K and Cd) were also befriending the school's guidance counselor. A move which just struck me as not so smart. Sure we get to spend idle time in the cool office and we got to talk to some boys but it just didn't seem particularly intelligent. It seemed even less intelligent when they confided to the counselor that K was delayed and trying to ratify it.

Hubbub ensued. It was the time when Jp's father died I think and Ic, Cd and I were going to the wake that K got called into the guidance counselor's office. If I remember correctly, K was no longer delayed by then. She got kicked out of school got thrown away to a province and Bd became a close friend of Cd (and in the process even tried to hit on her once or twice).

Though K and Bd were apart for so long, they ended up together, married and with kids. Up to now I still see Bd when I go to a particular mall. However the girl I always see him holding hands with is not K.

2) Y is one of the Gimik Girls. Or, rather, used to be one of the Gimik Girls.

She used to be the right hand man of Master, a really good friend who introduced me to the finer points of clubbing. However, somewhere down the line I ended up realizing that I don't much care for Y. And that I can totally live without her. So she was no longer my friend. Further unraveling of events led to the dissolution of the Gimik Girls and the bonding of Jean Grey and Master as well as the distance from the other 2 former members.

Y was known for having had an abortion. I was not yet part of the group at that time so I had no idea how things turned out. However I know she had one.

3) Darkeye is a very very good college friend. She's the perfect complement to my insane tirades and mood swings as I have never seen her get mad.

Her virginity was taken by her boyfriend. It was something she'd always wanted to try, sex I mean, and it made her happy to finally get all the stupid little stories and acts I kept alluding to. They were almost always safe. Her family was liberated and her parents taught them about condoms, which is more than can be said about my mom who still pretends she thinks I'm a virgin sometimes.

I received a call from Darkeye one summer. She suspected she was pregnant. She was at home in the province and can't buy a pregnancy kit at the local drug store because her parents knew people there. And yes she was that paranoid.

So she shipped out to Manila on the pretense of visiting me and we purchased a pregnancy test at the Mercury Drug near our school. She peed on the stick in our College's rest room. After a couple of minutes we found the results. They were positive.

We were standing outside near the railings of our college and smoking. The fact hadn't sunk in yet. "Oh my God you're pregnant," I said. Then we started laughing hysterically. We laughed like it was the biggest cosmic joke. And it sort of was. I was the biggest slut we knew at that time and she had gotten divirginized about 3 or 4 months ago. And yes Darkeye was pregnant.

We crushed our cigarettes and walked, still laughing, to the nearest cafe.

Prior to getting knocked up, Darkeye and I had shared several conversations about sex. She had asked me what would I do if I got pregnant. I told her I would get an abortion. She asked me if I was serious. "Did I stutter?" Then Darkeye told me she'd keep her baby if she ever got pregnant right then and there.

This was why I was shocked when she told me she was getting an abortion. Lack of funds and lack of opportunity led to her staying in the province for a long period of time and her stomach getting bigger (in hindsight thank god she was fat so it wasn't that obvious she was knocked up). I'd urged her early on to make a decision, make a choice. Since she had not gotten an abortion yet I had assumed she would keep it. She wanted an abortion when the fetus was already about 3 or 4 months old.

We talked to her. I told her I would help her raise the baby if money was the problem. I asked her if she was sure. Y even played a part in discouraging her because the fetus was already big.

In the end she took medicine her boyfriend got her. And the embryo died. But it didn't come out. She got blacklisted from East Avenue Medical Center because they refused to remove the fetus eventhough it was dead, eventhough it could end up poisoning her, all because of the anti-abortion law, they'd rather see her dead than help her.

Darkeye took some more medicine to expel the fetus (admittedly I chickened out of offering my house for this, my mother would not have been happy with seeing a dead fetus in our bathroom), and was alone in the bathroom with the fully formed fetus.

The fetus got buried, Darkeye suffered trauma and has still not undergone therapy for it and she's still with the dude.

Now I have connections that enable me to refer people to safe abortions should they need it. It should be early in the term and is guaranteed safe. I also dispense advise about emergency contraceptives and morning after pills.

Recently a friend of a friend needed one and I referred her to someone I knew. The contact thought I was the pregnant one. Which I get a lot. People automatically assume the ones who enjoy casual sex will eventually get what's coming to them and get a disease or a baby. I say, "Not if you're smart, you don't."

All this hullabaloo and drama could be prevented. If we had legal abortion and a solid family planning system, unwanted pregnancies and dangerous and unsafe abortions could be a thing of the past. The best way to deal with abortion is not to make it illegal, but to prevent the need for it with the publicizing of contraceptives and putting up womens centers where they will be given advice about their reproductive health.

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I was lying on the bed, decked in the clothes I wore the night before. White shirt, white shorts and thongs. He was lying beside me. Sleeping soundly. We were admittedly drunk. And it was already morning and we were almost in comas because we had not slept well for the past couple of days.

I wasn't sure if he was up for anything to happen. He seemed sound asleep. I rolled my body near his and my feet gently rubbed his. His toes responded by rubbing against mine. I moved closer, pressing myself against him. His hand, which was now lying so conveniently near my inner thighs started rubbing me. I had to stifle a moan as he started caressing and squeezing my thighs.

I spread my legs wider. His hands creeped up towards my pussy. His fingers pressed my clit, played with it and pushed just underneath it and massaged my pussy lips. I almost trashed around the bed. His fingers found the edge of my shorts and plunged inside me. Finger fucking me. Hard and soft and with more clit stimulation. I bit his shoulder. He kissed me near my collar bone. I placed my hand in his pants and found him and rubbed him. I played with his nipples and he rubbed my breasts. He pinched my nipple between his fingers. I wanted more than anything to moan or groan or put his dick in my mouth. I came.

We pulled our hands out of each other's underpants and went back to sleep. Hopefully none of the people in the room caught anything.

Tables were turned Saturday night when I went to Bv's birthday party. Sure I have recently found a very real penchant for corrupting young boys. Yet I felt sympathy for the young boy whom I have evil designs on this weekend.

The party was very happy and promised to be full of drunken revelry. Then I somehow ended up seated beside an old(er) man with long hair. Sounds familiar right? Like H all over again. Except not. His name is U. And he was, at first, kind of like H. Except when it all went horribly wrong.

It all started fine. He was smart and witty and he psychologized me. Knew the right things to say. Except of course he was not hot. And he was not attractive. I mean, I wasn't attracted to H in the beginning. He is a scarily manorexic guyliner-wearing cos-playing older dude. Then U just did things all horribly horribly wrong. Then he made a very obvious sexual come on. I enjoyed the conversation up until he said the words "I really want to taste you". Now this would sound hot in a man I'm attracted to. Yet a man that's just sort of short and puny and old didn't really do it for me. I know looks aren't everything and sometimes everything can be overlooked by genuine chemistry and like mindedness.

But he just came off...well...desperate and kinda sad. So I switched tables and talked to other people. Despite the fact I liked staying beside U cos I could see another guy make goo goo eyes at me. Which was kind of cool. I told new found friend K that I felt like a rabbit at a dog race, like the Greyhounds were eventually going to catch up with me and I would be dead. It felt that intense and violent and even like it was a power play. It was kind of scary. I could feel his creepy eyes following me around and the wiggle of my ass inside my thongs and white shorts.

Of course it was kind of fun. Like very game there is. Even if there was a 5 minute period in the night where I thought I would've actually let him go down on me, I decided I would never ever do that now.

But I did have fun. And had some drowsy, sleepy fondling/groping. Which is always cool.

I want to hunt. And there are whispers of a new character. I hope I never run out of code names.

Since I got this cool new banging MP3 player for Christmas, I've been seen with it attached to my ear all the time. I uploaded my music library and still have more than 50 gig remaining. So I uploaded a couple of more songs from the office computer, songs that were uploaded by the previous occupant of my seat, an older gay man.

I've realized that aside from gay dude's Regine Velasquez songs and orchestra music, I have a lot of cheesy songs. Number one is the one I just posted, which I actually downloaded. Some are just victims of my random click and download trips like that song Diary about some dude who reads some girl's diary and thinks the girl likes him but really the girl was writing about someone else. And, well, all the Cher songs (Cher isn't so bad right, ever since I saw her "Snap out of it!" performance in Moonstruck I'm slightly besotted). Well, that and Josh Groban's Broken Vow.

Mostly I've become fixated on 3 songs: Across the Night by Silverchair, Sympathy for the Devil by Rolling Stones and Kick it (feat. Iggy Pop) by Peaches. And while this may not have anything directly to do with sex (as this is reputed to be a sexblog), let me just say that these songs rock my world and somehow all of them make me want to have sex.

One song makes me want to fuck really hard, the other makes me want to make sweet sweet love and the other just makes me want to get it over with and come. It'd surprise you to know which song went with which level of arousal.

The stupidest and cheesiest song I could find about cheating. That statement ain't an insult if I actually like it. Song I was listening to about 35 seconds ago.

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

I don't know by but I've been wet the entire day. I tried coaxing O into a groping session but I guess he wasn't up for it. I have no idea why I've been so turned on. It seemed like a natural day. I've been sleep deprived the last couple of days because of multiple workloads, but I doubt if that explains it.

I've been tense with my real work interfering with my rackets and vice versa. I guess I need to relax and my body's reacting by signaling my pussy to get to work.

Maybe I'm anticipating violating Ry again? Or I miss H? Or maybe, just maybe, I'm just really really horny because it's a hormone thing?

I miss having chats with O at night. I should really buy a webcam already.

One thing I love about masturbation is the sensation of touching myself. They say women are focused on touch and men on visuals, some of it may be true in my case.

One sensation I've gotten addicted to is the feeling of having my hard nipples rub against the thin and sensitive skin of my wrists.It's just that both are so sensitive that it feels so tingly when they're rubbed together. And I love the skin on my tits because they're so soft.

People may sometimes wonder what kind of sick pervert I am as I always seem to be feeling myself up, even in public. I graze my hands down my breasts, grab and squeeze my own ass. I've been fixated on wanting people to spank me. And I really do miss a little pain. It doesn't work when it's just me inflicting the pain, it has to be sudden and surprising pain brought about by someone else.

Like when O bit on my nipples and pulled my hair as I blew him in the restroom. More than anything that keeps replaying in my head. I remember when my ex used to pinch my pudenda and he was surprised that I liked it.

I have a fat poonani. I admit. My pudenda is a plump mass of flesh, like most my parts are. It's been slapped, squeezed and pinched and I'd always loved it. A little pain goes a long way.

Too bad O said no when I asked him to bite me today. He called me too horny. I called him an asshole.

Come inside and experience the worst heat of your life.... courtesy of Engrish.com.

Miss Hilton is trying to copy the Shane look. And seems to also be trying to get into The Shane's pants. Bitch. Shane is mine.

How hot is Kate Moennig in these photos?!?!

Sexual encounters just sound so much damn sexier when you read about them. An earlier post got me all hot and bothered when I read it immediately after writing it. The teasing nature of the encounter combined with me remembering how hot and horny I was after O sucked my nipples got me horny enough to engage in some quality "me" time. And that of course means I masturbated until I came 3 times. I love my hands.

I see you sitting, stuffing your face, why don’t you stuff me up?
I see you sitting, stuffing your face, why don’t you stuff me up?
I see you sitting, stuffing your face, why don’t you stuff me up?
I see you sitting, stuffing your face, why don’t you stuff me up?

Eat a cookie, a big dick, everyday, what?
Eat a cookie, a big clit, everyday, what?
Eat a cookie, a big dick, everyday, what?
Eat a cookie, a big clit, everyday, what?

I see you sitting, stuffing your face, why don’t you stuff me up?
I see you sitting, stuffing your face, why don’t you stuff me up?
I see you sitting, stuffing your face, why don’t you stuff me up?
I see you sitting, stuffing your face, why don’t you stuff me up?

Eat a cookie, a big dick, everyday, what?
Eat a cookie, a big clit, everyday, what?
Eat a cookie, a big dick, everyday, what?
Eat a cookie, a big clit, everyday, what?

I see you sitting, stuffing your face, why don’t you stuff me up?
Mmmmm, Mmmmm, Mmmmm, Mmmmm
I see you sitting, stuffing your face, why don’t you stuff me up?
I see you sitting, stuffing your face, why don’t you stuff me up?
Stuff me up
Stuff me up
Stuff me up
Stuff me up
Stuff me up
Stuff me up
Stuff me up
Stuff me up

Peaches just does it for me. I'd long been curious about her after reading about her several times on perezhilton, but the performance on The L Word just cemented it.

Suck
Suck it up
Suck it all
Suck and let go

These are the lyrics to a Peaches song called Suck and Let Go. It was fortuitous that this was playing immediately after a little blowjob action in the office restroom.

I'd been angsty the entire day then I got a bolt of energy somewhere down the line. As what normally happens when I get a bolt of energy, I get horny. I'd been making the moves on O the entire day. Now this is something friends who have met him will never get: why I want to keep getting sexual with O. He just basically does it for me. He's not unattractive and is definitely appealing in a defiantly male way. He can get it done.

I've been rubbing up against him and he asked why I was hot. Meaning my temperature was definitely elevated. My ex used to tell me that whenever we were about to have sex, that my skin felt hot. So O asked me if I was hot because I was hot. And I replied to the affirmative.

While talking business he steered me to the office restroom and proceeded to fondle me. He pulled my shirt down to get at my tits, even positioning me in front of the mirror so he could see what my nipples looked like reflected back at him. He nearly ripped my shirt again. He sucked and nibbled on me and I felt the heat coming up my body from my crotch.

Finally he unzipped his pants and asked for a blowjob. Just a tease he said. I squatted down and proceeded to take him in my mouth as he pulled my hair. I knew he was gonna come really fast if I kept it up. The thrill and danger of being caught has always excited us. I had to push him away. Then he asked for it again and I fellated him again and I could feel his hands roughly pushing my head down and his dick pulsating and I knew I was gonna have a huge load squirt all over me.

I pushed him away and I looked at him, and he played with his dick like he wanted to squirt his come all over my face, something I would normally want except not when I had to worry how to clean up after.

I stood up and pushed him away even though I wanted more. I walked to my area as he went back inside the men's restroom. My nipples still felt sore and I could taste him in my mouth when I got cornered into a serious conversation with my boss. I pulled away as soon as I could and walked to the nearby 711 to clear my head. I can still smell him on my hand. I felt so damn giddy.

He was in pain after, having thoroughly enjoyed the cock tease. But it felt so fucking good. And naughty. Makes me wet.

If I keep this elevated sense of arousal til Saturday, when I'll have to see Ry again, I might jump his bones despite the fact his coyness is starting to annoy me.

I wonder if O will react the same way if he gets to read this blog?

These days aren't really good activists days for me, it's too hard to find and figure out what I believe in and what I want and politics, or at least, those that I've been exposed to, wants such clear cut definitions of things.

But yeah, I'm pro-choice and I believe in abortion and it's illegal in the Philippines and I have some insights. So I joined the January 22 pro-choice bloggers when I ran into it at Feministing.

My mother admitted to having had an abortion. I've had 3 friends who have actually had abortions and I wish to God it would be made legal here.

Which is why I am very much looking forward to posting on the 22nd.

I've long felt that humans weren't the only creatures who use sex. You think all those lionesses on Pride Rock in Lion King were just doing it with Mufasa to propagate the species? No, I always thought they got their own little agenda.

Now it seems monkeys trade sex for some grooming. Any man up for a blow job in exchange for an hour long full body deep tissue massage?

Was, thanks to the huge distance between speed of thought and typing skills, called a splut earlier today.

These past few days I've been not so randomly surfing the net, reading up on some issues like feminism and secret societies like Freemasonry. Yes work was pretty slow at the beginning of the year.

I hesitate to call myself as a feminist for fear of the inevitable backlash. What little I know of "hard core" feminists come from an org in UP Diliman where the socio-political leanings of the female members lead them to instruct their male sexual partners to withdraw when they feel an orgasm coming, to maintain the "purity" of their orgasm. I guess it made them feel that they are orgasming while not enslaved by the penis. Another practice is that most of them turn lesbian. Because they apparently cannot stand to be oppressed by men.

Aside from these reasons, I have also been called on and, well, berated for being a part of the male-dominated society by being promiscuous and sleeping with several men. It came to the point where a professor of mine disputed my thesis because a woman appeared to be enjoying casual sex, and, as he interpreted it, she was doing so to mimic men.

For these reasons I've stayed away from the feminist label, as a lot of it sounds like Catholic-belief based to me. That women are naturally chaste, celibate and polygamous and men enslave women through sex despite being consenting adults.

Until I found this post which reflects my beliefs. It is the statement released by the Women's Direct Action Collective entitled Sluts Against Rape.

"...because we believe that a woman should have the right to be sexual in any way she chooses and that she is never at fault for rape."

And I agree with them.

There is also this PSA from the Los Angeles Commission on Assaults Against Women, now known as Peace Over Violence. The PSAs are entitled This is Not An Invitation to Rape Me. The series of photographs, particularly the one wherein women are shown expressing their right to sexual freedom and congress, and yes even prostitutions, say in images what the Sluts Against Rape statement use words to say.

These are all organizations based in the USA and before anyone calls me a little brown American, these were the only ones I came across accidentally online that said what I felt.

That women should be allowed to express themselves sexually however they wish and not be blamed for any sexual assault or abuse that comes their way. Having been a victim of malicious minds and tongues and having been hit with a curtain rod due to an event sexual in nature, I can say that I've had enough of the blame.

Ok, Bv, you asked for it you Janpong mothafucka.

I always refer to this as my secret sex blog. That's because, well, I like to imagine that passers by in cyberspace who happen to chance on this blog will not figure out who I am. This folly is thwarted by C's statement that anyone who can connect the Den, H, V, and O can easily figure out that that bar is where I hang out and hooked these three horny dudes who happen to be friends, the triumvirate of sex.

Most people who read this also know who I am. I've managed to spread the word about this blog to several like minded friends and as far as I know they are the only one who are reading my posts, so what's the use of hiding right?

Wrong!

Mofo Bv just reminded me why I started this blog.

I'd originally moved my escapades from my social networking site page because the people I wrote about could access it and know it was from me. Several people I write about here, such as O, would not be too pleased to see that I just declared to the world that he and I had some sort of sexual thing goin on. Mostly because he is discreet (or pretends to be) and because not all I write is flattering.

I'd also felt more comfortable writing candidly if my old colleagues had no idea I'd been fucking around with other colleagues behind their backs. Despite my obvious and enthusiastic penchant for sex, I still like to protect myself from the conservative, the close-minded, the judgmental and the not too rare perverts.

I also wanted to protect my partners, who may or may not be cheating on their girlfriends, partners and wives, by keeping their anonymity behind flimsy initials and code names, as well as hiding my identity.

Bv blew this by sharing posts where I referred to the baby boy Ry.

Ry was shy enough about fucking when we first did it, I guess he was kind of embarrassed and put off by people being aware that we might (there were doubts in their mind at that time) have sex just before we had sex. And I happen to think Ry is a fine nice young man who has a right to feel shy about fucking around. He also has the right to feel weird that people were pimping him out.

I feel bad and I worry that Ry might feel worse after Bv let him read the posts despite them painting him in a positive light. He is a kid after all (well, I see him that way still). His face when I saw him earlier today made me guilty. I feel like I corrupted a child. He wouldn't even look at me.

Now I kinda know what pedophiles feel. It's kind of amusing. But it also makes me feel sick.

Bv you're an asshole.

I'll try to keep the list as short and simple as I can.

1. Shop for the perfect gynecologist.
2. Always bring condoms.
   
3. Maintain high self esteem.
4. Turn my body into a weapon. (firm, tone, and all those adjectives which mean an efficient sex engine)
5. Acquire a positive outlook on life. Be optimistic.
6. Get rich or die tryin'. (thanks fiddy for this one)
7. Work on leaving. (this country, this state of affairs)
8. Start writing for real. (meaning fiction. like I used to.)
   

I'll check this Jan. 2, 2009.

I've recently been rocking the geek lifestyle. (Well, not really rocking, more like mildly swaying.)

I've just been really geeky lately. Sure I still masturbate t least once a date, and that has to result in 3 orgasms but mostly I've been staying in fixing my room, watching my DVDs (which aren't porn), reading my books (I read 3 books all at the same time) and I haven't really felt the "time to go out and hunt" itch for a while.

Should I be worried that I'm greeting 2008 with less of a sexual bang than I had hoped?

her: Can you feel that?

him: What?

her: I'm trembling.

him: Yeah...around my hand. fuck.

her: What?

him: I wanna be inside you now. Is that ok?

her: (taking her clothes off) Do it now.

One of the prettiest songs I've heard in a long long long time... Not dedicated to anyone in particular. Just a damn pretty song.

I'm only a woman
Of flesh and bone
And I wept much
We all do
I thought I might die alone
But I had never(x11) met you
So baby be good to me
I've got nothing to give you, you see
except everything, everything, everything, everything
All the good
And the bad
Cause I've been bad
I've lied, cheated, stolen, and been ungrateful for what I had
And I'm afraid habits rule my waking life
I'm scared
And I'm running in my sleep
For you
But all of the oceans and rivers and showers will wash it all away
And make me clean
For you
Cause I had never(x15) met you

So let's take a loan out
Put it down on a house
In a place we've never lived
in a place that exists
In the pages of scripts and
the songs that they sing
And all the beautiful things
That make you weep but
Don't have to make you weak

Cause I never(x27) loved somebody
The way I loved you.

Ok, I've been reading all my back posts. And I just realized I need to place a lil Character box where I can remind people (and myself) what all the freakin acronyms stand for. I'll be working on that later. Since I'm not doing anything tonight. Yes. I am that boring (and bored) right now.

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