Bitchicisms

I've always been happy and perfectly content being my honest self. Meaning I've been open and liberated and vocal about who I am and what I enjoy. And yes people have called me names like whore, slut, bitch and others. It just doesn't bother me anymore.

O tells me it's because I fuck and tell.

I recently admitted to O that there was an existing sexblog that I was writing. And he seemed cool with it. Now he's become upset that he's in it. And that I told a friend about him. By "about him" I mean that a friend that I wanted to be his friend knows that we've been fooling around.

He says I am fuck and tell while he is discreet. He presumes to know my friend more than I do. He assumes to know more about the "party scene" more than I do.

What sucks for me is that while as a general rule I adore the man, consider him more of a friend than he does me and generally like him, he has always been lukewarm and a bit judgmental about me and my lifestyle. Knowing that he is a closet conservative does not help either.

Our conversations sometimes end up making me feel bad about myself. With all his inane statements mixed with his poor command of the language. He brings me down. Because he often judges me. Judges what I do.

This outweighs the fact that I have an innate care and adoration for him that is inherent in my feelings for all my guy friends.

It makes me rethink why he is my friend at all. He is not considerate of me and does not genuinely like me. I am past the time when I wanted us to be close and confide in him. Because I know all this will come back to bite me in the ass.

He seems so...small. Like he only likes his world and everyone else is doing things wrong. Like he has to belittle everyone to feel good about himself. Like things have to be done his way or he's wrong. And yes he assumes to be always right.