Bitchicisms

Yes I still haven't gotten laid. Which is kind of sad, yet kind of...blah.

Anyway, just because I haven't been knocking boots with anyone doesn't mean I'm deprived of sex. Human warmth yes, but sex no. Let me sing "I have two hands, the left and the right..."

Anyway, one of the greatest things I miss about having sex with another person is the interaction, two creatures feeding off each other's energy like any creative partnership. Of course having someone on top of you and pounding the living hell out of you is one of the greatest experiences, it's just so primal, so real and so honest. Of course, being humans, it all ends up being more than that, but hey, that's missing the point.

Sex Talk is brilliant. I've heard men say the best and worst things during sex. Men aren't that smart, granted, add a naked woman, a bed, and a warm tight glove enveloping their penises and brains fly right out the window.

Eloquent men get me though. Men who fuck me with words. Daaaamn. But everyone can slip. Even though I have that rule where I don't believe things men say to me in bed, they still pretty much stick and serve to heighten, or bring down, the experience.

Here are some of the best and some of the worst things men have said during sex:

WORST:

5) Did you come already? (times 5 or more)

I appreciate the fact that they care enough to ask. Men can be pretty clueless about these things. When it's so obvious that they already want to spew and they're impatiently waiting for me to come so they can get their turn. It's like a kid whining in the backseat, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" ad infinitum.

4) Do you want to be on top/on your hands and knees/change position?

Being polite is nice when we are outside in the real world, but when we are in a hot steamy room fucking each other's brains out in an old, beautiful and primal dance which was the way of our ancestors, politeness is not only unnecessary but a let down. I want to be taken, TAKEN, so take me. I once had a man tell me to climb on top of him, while that didn't make the list below, it's still way more desirable than, do you wanna?


3) You like that?

Like most things in the list, there could be a way and a type of guy to say this and sound sexy. But often it only comes out insecure where they're not sure what they're doing is right.It's nice to be considerate, I appreciate the effort, but it's just sooo...unsure. Women give cues that what men do are good, especially me with my loud moaning, so please, try to figure it out and get tips.

2) Thank you.

Am I a whore that just finished a service for you? Was that a fuck or a favor? Might as well give me some cash rather than make me feel like what happened was an obligation with a "thank you".

1) Want me to fuck your mom?

It might work in porn, but no. Not for me.


BEST

5) Oh you are a bad girl. (said in smug voice)

Perfect as he massages my ass while doggy fucking.

4) Does J love to fuck?

Questions about sex where he refers to me in the third person. Priceless. Especially when I'm wildly bouncing on his cock.

3) Oh God you're gonna make me come so fast.

It makes me feel like I am the hottest thing out there. Of course if a guy says this, he has to make sure I'm gonna come fast too. But hearing the effect you have on someone may be one of the fastest ways to make girls come.

2) I want to watch you come while you're on top of me.

Straight. Blunt. Direct to the point. And yet hot and expectant with a promise of an orgasm.

1) Tell me what you want.

Sure I like to be taken. But a man who can pull off saying this in a husky and commanding voice that just whispers in my ear as he teases me with his cock barely touching my pussy is goddamn amazing.