Bitchicisms

One of the things I hate about being someone's mistress is th song "Lips of an Angel by Hinder". Of course I know I have the lyrics of the song posted somewhere in this site. But the fascination with that song lasted til I became a mistress again. i mean honestly, I'd very much prefer hearing "Don'tCha".

Yes I said 'again'. Moralists beware! Morally bankrupt woman on the lose! Aw fuck it. Really who cares? Well, some would argue the women I was helping cheat on. Well yeah. Them. I remember now. But then again. All's fair. And this is war.

So. I was a mistress about... hmm... twice before. Those were affairs. I'm not counting the ones where I just fucked guys who were in relationships. That was just fucking. Sometimes unintentionally. Because in my mind, I'd rather not know. And I always thought that guys who flirted with girls were naturally single. And, well, really, I'd just rather not know.

Affairs are different from one night stands and fuck buddy relationships. For one main reason. There's some kind of emotional involvement in affairs. There's an expectation. Not necessarily that you'll end up being the girlfriend. Just the expectation that what you do will be reciprocated.

I've been in four affairs discounting the one I seem to be in (if I still am, which i doubt). Three of those were with men who were in relationships, one, with H, just seemed like a nice love/lust affair that we called 'dating'.

They rarely if ever turn out good. Some will say karma, some will say lack of trust, who knows really. One of my love affairs happened because silly little girl me rejected the offer of a relationship only to regret it. The other love affair ended because I decided I couldn't handle being with someone who wanted me to be weak...or maybe because being in love with him scared the shit out of me.

So why am I, or was I, in one again? He was sweet. And he wormed his way into my consciousness. He had me used to him so that despite complaints I'd actually associated him with my days.

Then he disappears. Doesn't call, doesn't text. Disappears. It could be he got caught and is reforming his ways. It could be he's just busy. It could be that he's trying to make things up with his girlfriend cos he's been flaking on their things to prioritize me. It could be he's just playing a game. It could be that he's just waiting for things to cool off because he knows I'm mad.

But then again the bottom line is: I don't want to think about why. Which is the other thing I really hate about being a mistress. Which is why I never wanted to be one in the first place.

Why am I one then? Well, I might have to change that.