Bitchicisms

Having sexual relations with someone for a prolonged period of time can bring about a sense of companionship. There are some things that are said in bed. Certain things are confided while cuddling together on a bed in an air conditioned room. Talking before and in between rounds can bring about an idea of camaraderie. A false idea.

There is a reason why two people are fuck buddies and not friends or dating or anything other than just mere lovers. This is because while you are comfortable with sharing the sexual and physical aspect of your lives, there are still certain restrictions when it comes to your lives.

So yes, I may like to believe that my FB will be there for me and that I will be there for him. But essentially, when push comes to shove, you just don't want or expect any friendship from fuck buddies. Sure an occasional "hi, hello, how are you doing?" is expected. But anything heavier than that is harder.

Most people know that my extended affair with H has led to several misconceptions and massive heartache (boo-hoo!). But now, I'm coming to terms with the fact that much as I want to believe we are friends, we are merely two people who like to fuck each other.

Sure I like listening to his problems. And yes, when he is available, he listens to mine (but I really would rather not tell him come to think of it). In spite of all this, when push comes to shove, we are merely periphery characters in each others lives. Neither essential to the other. And no, it's not anyone's fault or anyone's choice really. It is merely because that's the way things are.

So in this time of his life when I would like to comfort him the best I can, I content myself with sending 2 SMS messages expressing my concern. Much as I would like to do more, I am satisfied that he knows I will be exactly where I am if he wants/needs me. Those two and the fact that I am a bit busy these days.