Bitchicisms

I find it remarkably weird when my friends ask me for relationship advice. This despite the fact I have not ever had a long-term exclusive relationship. It perplexes me when they seek my advice. Is it because I think like a man? Is it because I have so many male friends? Is it because I sleep with a lot of men?

Sex questions yes I understand and can generally answer. I've been answering them since high school.

When I started fooling around with a 24 year old man at the tender age of 14 I held some sway over classmates. I knew what I was writing about when I wrote sex scenes. I knew what I was doing when I wrote of kissing and touching and stroking. At 16 I had done everything except for getting my cherry popped.

By 17 my friends were asking me for advice. Up to now I'd get calls or text messages from people I haven't seen in ages asking me about morning after pills and sex during menstruation. And yes I'm the kind of girl who knows about those things.

I find it advisable that each group of friends has a character like me. It helps them grow. The things I've learned are for everyone's benefit. Every new thing I learn I share. The good. The bad. The tales of caution. I am like the database for everyone's use. I have the knowledge and wish to impart it.

So as a one-time offer, here are the things I've learned:

1) It is possible to have sex during the girl's period. The level of ickiness depends on the girl's flow and her partner's tolerance. It is advisable to shower before and after and have the girl on top to minimize stains. Or just have sex standing up.

2) Morning after pills are so far not widely available in this country. A birth control pill called Micropil can be purchased over the counter at drugstores. To use this as emergency contraceptives the girl can take 4 pills then another 4 after 12 hours. Then stop. This one cycle of medicine taking can be effective up to 3 days after the incident. This is ONLY for emergencies. It is not advisable to keep doing this as it messes up the girl's cycle. It causes a surge of estrogen. It is best to just go on the pill or use a condom. This can also mess with the hormones of the girl.

3) Size matters but technique matters more. A big battering ram can hurt if all it doesn't move properly.

4) A good kiss matters. Do it properly. use your whole mouth, tongue, lips and teeth to pleasure the other person. Don't keep your hands dead, move them, hold the other person.

5) Be as unique as you can. Perfect and learn your own moves. Stop reading stupid tips from magazines and start practicing.

6) Learn to MASTURBATE. This is very important step in developing as a sexual person and no one should be ashamed of it. Or ok, be ashamed of it, lie about not doing it, but just freaking do it already. This will make you better. I swear.