Bitchicisms

I've recently had a whole lot of time on my hands, basically because I've been a bum for the past couple of weeks. All this excess time has been used towards obsessive compulsive hard drive cleaning and drinking sessions. However, some of this time has been used towards...well..thinking. Thinking insane and semi-profound thoughts.

One of the things I've realized during a random bullshit session with friends is the difference between jerks an assholes.

The thought came to me as I was describing the difference between O and Bv. O and Bv both have particularly strong personalities. They both tease, they both spar verbally and they are both my friends, with the express difference of my sexual relationship with O.

Both have also expressed chauvinistic ideas and beliefs that make me want to hit them. The main difference is that Bv is an asshole and O is a jerk. Bv may spew shit but he knows its all shit. O actually believes the shit he spews. Which is why Bv is an asshole and O is a jerk.

So there is that very very fine line between being a jerk and being an asshole. Assholes are mostly funny but they turn into jerks once they start believing that their thoughts are right, that all their beliefs and prejudices are right.

Bv crosses that fine line sometimes. But so far he hasn't become a 100% jerk. So far.

Hanging out with the notably evil Bv and the definitive nice girl Ts has made it pretty obvious that I am more like a guy than ever. I know for a fact that there statistically there are more Filipinas like Ts than there are Filipinas like me. It is possible that the other Filipina girls who like to fuck around in a totally casual and no strings attached way are just super discreet, but I think that there really are just few promiscuous women.

There may be a lot of women who engage in casual sex but most of them, or so the complaints of the casual men go, still prefer relationships to random, sweaty, satisfying sex.

Which lead me to think about the profound difference between women and men's flirting styles. Before even starting to talk, people give off clues, they test boundaries before they begin the verbal flirting.

Men and women do it in different ways. Women make it known to the other party that they're available and men try to push for more physical interaction.

There are two most common tricks for women, they are actually more of excuses for being nearer the other person. The first, which is more often used in clubs or drinking sessions, is pretending not to hear. I use this a lot. When I told Bv about this he commented that yes I do become deaf when other boys are around.

When they say something I pretend not to hear, I lean in close and place my ear strategically near their mouth, my body near enough for them to smell but not quite touch.

The other trick is to act drunk. Once a person is drunk, they lose inhibitions. They become touchy and smiley and yes we can now do anything we wouldn't ordinarily do.

Men test these. They attempt to touch. They initiate a tickling game. They massage. Or, in more extreme cases, they read your palm.

Weirdly enough, I use the guy's tricks more often.

In the tradition of my previously posted Tenga onanism tools, I have only recently found the amazing LoveHoney website.

In the spirit of the Tenga Deep Throat Cups, these toys help guys masturbate on the move. Except for one major difference: these toys actually have a bare resemblance to the real thing.


I also found these sex dolls by Pipedream Products that bear unlicensed resemblance to celebrities. There's one based on Jennifer Alba, Christina Aguilera, Lindsay Lohan and Eva Longoria. Amazingly, Sarah Jessica Parker is included in the celebrities mimicked. But what
perplexes me is that there's a sex doll made of Tori Spelling.

Why does Tori Spelling have an unlicensed sex doll? Is she even attractive? Do men dream of fucking Tori Spelling's 3 holes (orally, vaginally and anally)?


It constantly amazes me what men find arousing.

Oh yeah I'll be going on an a short vacay with the family. So I intend to flood this with blog posts. I hope I get it right. Hehehe.

This song is a spoof of the 90's "femme" hit Bitch by Meredith Brooks. I'm posting it because it portrayal of men/guys may be extreme yet is sometimes spot on.

I hate the new age guys
I'm a chauvinist
I live on beer and pies
Tried to tell you,
But you look at me,
like maybe I'm an angel underneath
Haven't brushed me teeth.

Yesterday I lied
But all me mates
gave me a real good alibi
Thanks guys
I really went out drinking,
I told you I was at work
Don't ask me for commitment,
'Cause it's something I will shirk

I'm a bloke,
I'm an ocker
And I really love your knockers
I'm a labourer by day,
I piss up all me pay
Watching footy on TV
Just feed me more VB
Just pour my beer,
And get my smokes,
And go away

Or take me as I am
This may mean you'll
have to fetch another can
Rest assured,
That if I start to make you breakfast
I'm going to extremes
but tomorrow I'll get shitfaced,
and today won't mean a thing

I'm a bloke
I'm a yobbo,
and me best mate's name is Robbo
Winfield is me cigarrete
I dress in flanellette
Shearer's singlet that is blue
Throw in a few tattoos,
You know you wouldn't
Want me any other way

When you think
You've got me figured out
The season's already changing

I think it's cool
When I act like a tool
And my mates try to shave me

I'm a bloke,
I'm an ocker
And I really love your knockers
I'm a labourer by day,
I piss up all me pay
Watching footy on TV
Just feed me more VB
Just pour my beer,
And get my smokes,
And go away


I'm a bloke
I'm a yobbo,
and me best mate's name is Robbo
Winfield is me cigarrete
I dress in flanellette
Shearer's singlet that is blue
Throw in a few tattoos,
You know you wouldn't
Want me any other way

It was a night when I wanted to take a rest from hanging out with the boys of Bv's crowd (my new harem after I let go of the consistent harem from Den). I dunno if it was the constant PSP-ing or the asinine conversations or the constant hot and cold groping/ignoring thing going on (mostly the groping coming from one boy and the ignoring coming from the other one i slept with). I just wanted to get away from that whole crowd.

So one Friday I went out with Mc to my pet Club after I left the penumbra of Den. Club is actually a club in the Fort Strip with a cover charge that isn't as expensive as some of its neighbors.

The night started out slow. We made fun of what some people were wearing and proceeded to get drunk. Then it got interesting.

I had been noticing a couple of guys who were standing near us. The group of guys to our right were standard issue guys-who-don't-normally-go-out. They were wearing blah clothes and were searching the crowd like hawks looking for prey. They had probably heard the stories of people hooking up in Bar and heard that girls there can pretty much be coerced into doing anything.

The group to our left were a couple of kids who obviously liked to dance and fancied they were black because they liked hiphop.

It seemed like a tame enough night. I wasn't hungry for any hook ups, since I had my period. I just wanted to fucking dance my ass off. It also seemed like an off night for Club since the music sucked for a long time.

However, boys were ever present. Sure the kids found me amusing. Maybe it was the fact my tattoo was showing. Maybe it was the school girl style red pleated skirt I was wearing. However, here are some of the conversational gems from that night:

"Nice tattoo." he wasn't cute so I just smiled said "thanks" and turned away

"I thought you were from Assumption." duh, Assumption uniforms are not red plaid pleated skirts

"Girlfriend right? I'm cool with that." he thought Mc and I were lesbian lovers sigh men and their stupid fantasies

And of course, the most amusing exchange of all:

"Where do you live?"

"Q.C."

"Wanna go home with me?"

"I brought my car."

"Wanna take me home?"

"I have another party to go to."

"Where are you parked?"

JG points to the parking lot.

"Wanna show me?"

"No."

Ok. I felt kinda bad for this dude. But I have to admit it felt nice to dance with a dude and feel his hard cock against your ass. I did kiss him. I let him feel me up. His hand was already snaking inside my underpants but I had to moderate him because I didn't want him to hit the mother load. I also didn't want him to know I had my period.

Anyway he seemed to enjoy it. He got a free grope. He almost got to lift my skirt up high enough to flash everyone. He got to feel my tits. He got to look like a big shot in front of his friends.

But when time came, I wanted to go home. I went to the rest room with Mc for a slight pow wow. I told her I just wanted to say goodbye to that dude. And of course, his cute friends. But when we went back to the spot I didn't see him so we went home.

It was fun. I kinda missed dancing with a hard cock against my ass.

According to Not Another Blog, the average depth of a human vagina is really to 6 inches. Does this mean I am above average?

I've been hooking up with guys who have 7 to 8 inch penises. Is this an achievement I can be proud of? Well for an Asian girl I guess it is a talent to be able to find guys with huge penises in the Philippines.

Once I encountered a man who flirted with me while his girlfriend was right in front of him, they had just made up after a silly fight that made the girl cry. After that incident I immediately (being the blabber mouth fuck and tell splut that people make me out to be [a persona I am beginning to own as most people will never let me forget it]) told people I knew of the incident, hailing it as the time I met the most awesome, awe inspiring, baddest (in a good way) player I have ever met. He was a league much much higher than mine. In Dope Wars (the facebook version) terms I was a hustler and he was a Cartel General.

I've just done something similar.

I've always sworn that I would never make the first move. But I must admit, once the first move has been made, I'm all full throttle from there.

Ry is a sweet young shy boy. Cc is a brazen, insane playful one. They are friends. And I have slept with them both. Ry is not supposed to know, no one is supposed to know. This discretion is something Cc requested.

Due to the endearing machinations of evil Bv (my most favorite partner in crime in the whole wide world), I got to sit between the two of them at a recent drinking session. And while I was a bit uncomfortable in the beginning, it all seemed to fit in the end.

Ry has been trying very very hard to start conversations with me. This time, he tried to strike a conversation with me by asking me about a song that was playing in the bar. It was "With You" by Chris Brown.

Cc was just being the horny lil dude he was. I was flirting with Ry, kissing his neck and harassing him and teasing him. Cc kissed me on the neck, which gave me the idea to kiss Ry on the neck.

Bv, who of course knows all my escapades, was smiling at me the entire time, revealing that this was his master plan.

Cc got me to kiss someone on the cheek, and after that he asked me to kiss him on the cheek. He tried pulling off this Vic Sotto shtick where whenever I would lean to kiss him, he would move his head and try to sneak a kiss on the lips. I made him stop it by holding his head and covering his mouth when I kissed his cheek.

Then he asked me to give him a French Kiss, and when I said no, he asked me to give Ry a French Kiss. I stared at Ry who looked blank and I said no again.

Cc even had me licking a bit of ketchup-mayonnaise sauce dressing from his finger. Ry squeezed my thigh. I was flirting with the two of them and most of the table didn't know.

Cc turns me on when he acts like that. Ry turns me on when he sheds his nice guy image to ravage me. And yes I am imagining a threesome.

I was checking out the site for the Showtime hit Weeds when I came across a familiar name in the list of music from season 3. The name was Dresden Dolls and I went to the band's site to see which song of theirs I liked. I found this song, Coin Operated Boy, an ode to a love/sex life that is self supporting. Heard this song a long long time ago on Nu 107 and downloaded it and love it still And yes, I want a coin operated boy. Maybe I can con Cc into being one. Hehe.

coin operated boy
sitting on the shelf he is just a toy
but i turn him on and he comes to life
automatic joy
that is why i want a coin operated boy

made of plastic and elastic
he is rugged and long-lasting
who could ever ever ask for more
love without complications galore
many shapes and weights to choose from
i will never leave my bedroom
i will never cry at night again
wrap my arms around him and pretend....

coin operated boy
all the other real ones that i destroy
cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i'll
never let him go and i'll never be alone
not with my coin operated boy......

this bridge was written to make you feel smittener
with my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
i didnt think so but im still convinceable
will you persist even after i bet you
a billion dollars that i'll never love you
will you persist even after i kiss you
goodbye for the last time
will you keep on trying to prove it?
i'm dying to lose it...
i want it
i want you
i want a coin operated boy.

and if i had a star to wish on
for my life i cant imagine
any flesh and blood could be his match
i can even take him in the bath

coin operated boy
he may not be real experienced with girls
but i know he feels like a boy should feel
isnt that the point that is why i want a
coin operated boy
with his pretty coin operated voice
saying that he loves me that hes thinking of me
straight and to the point
that is why i want
a coin operated boy.

It's not my fault I know. It is yours.

I'm sorry if I sound like a coward, however, I am no longer willing to put up with the drama and the bullshit you surround yourself with simply by choosing to remain in the same fucked up relationship. And we both know no matter how many times you say you don't ask for that relationship just the simple fact of staying in the same place means you consent to it and that you somehow enjoy it.

I do not want to blackmail you emotionally yet I will be firm in my stand that I will no longer consent to being your pet, your excuse and your reason for fighting. I give up, I quit, I resign. Get back to me when you've fixed your situation and maybe we can be friends again.

Because I trusted you to protect me and now I know I'm not safe.

I have a lot of guy friends. Its one of the things about me that makes me different from a lot of girls. I have a lot of guy friends who I don't even sleep with. And some of the people closest to me are men.

I'm sure the followers of this blog (if there are any) are aware of the several mentions of Bv and O and other dudes I regularly hung out with. The problem is, some people still think a guy and a girl can't be just friends.

Sure O and I had our fun, but we had both admitted several times that we just met wrong. When he met me, he wanted to fuck me, and I couldn't blame him for that. I wanted to fuck him too. Because of that, we can't ever be really clean and clearly defined just friends. We'll always have that sexually charged past and O being O, we can't ever get past that, though we've managed to be really good friends over time.

Bv on the other hand, has always been just a really good friend. There was never really anything other than friendly banter, no sexually charged awkward moments, just full on accepting friendship and a weird partner in crime symbiotic relationship.

What sucks right now is I'm mired in drama I am not a part of. I have never mentioned the girl Bv has been living with in an attempt to keep her out of the limelight because she was become my friend. Over time we have become close, despite the disturbing things I've heard said about her.

Some people mentioned she tends to get very jealous. I thought she was really nice and open with me. I liked her. And I believed her when she said she liked me.

I've been told she has been jealous for quite some time because of all the time I've been spending with Bv. Despite the fact that they are technically not a couple (they broke up some time back), I've tried to remain on her good side because I did not want any drama or any problems from anyone. Now because of something I've done, a certain act that took advantage of their hospitality, I feel that that act has been used as an excuse to hate me.

I hate being in this position because I feel I am being persecuted for a sin I did not even commit and would never dream of committing (sleeping with Bv). It is not my fault if Bv prefers to spend time with me rather than with her. I have done nothing wrong and my conscience is clean.
I have tried to make amends for the sin I have committed, for becoming a bad house guest. I have apologized, I was prepared to grovel, yet she still remained steadfast in her stand that she hated me. And now what sickens and saddens me is the fact that Bv is not able to protect me.

I've told Bv several times that I was becoming uncomfortable with all the lying and the hiding from her. We weren't even doing anything wrong, we're just friends. And the fact that I have to even explain myself like that sickens me.

Bv always told me to not be afraid that he could handle it, that he will fix things. And I've been complacent and I believed him. I know we weren't doing anything wrong. I know Bv's excuse is that the lying is to avoid drama. Her drama. Now the drama's escalating and I don't even want to be around him sometimes.

I adored her, I liked her, I wanted to be her friend. But in the end it all boils down to her being paranoid and thinking I wanted to steal this dude away from her. Which is so wrong.

Bv has been unable to protect me. I feel like the sacrificial lamb for them. The whole thought that I should be blamed for a fissure in their relationship upsets me. I like them both. But Bv was my friend. And I depended on him to protect me from his ex.

I've been trying to distance myself from him. I've made an effort not to hang out with him so much, even if we like hanging out and he's really really fun. I don't want all this drama in my life. And sadly I now know what Dm feels when she mentioned that there's a lot of drama involved with this clique. I get it now. I don't want to sacrifice a good solid friendship just because someone suspects something which isn't even true.

Bv has told me several times that he intends to fix this whole mire of entanglements. Then he just ends up being lax again. It's like he doesn't care if he has to put his friends through all this shit and fucking crap. I don't want to emotionally blackmail anyone. But I don't want to be turned into the scapegoat.

I never want to hear myself being blamed for problems that aren't mine. I don't want to be mentioned as the cause of a fight. I don't ever want Bv to tell her that we're going out because I invited them. I never want to have to lie that I'm not hanging out with Bv because we're afraid she'll get pissed and cause drama. And I never want to have to remind Bv that just a week ago or a day ago he said he would take care of things and listen to his excuses why he still hasn't.


I hate that I'm sounding like I'm making demands. But I no longer have the patience, or the stamina, or the desire to be the punching bag for all the goddamn crap that the two of them have. Look for another scapegoat Bv and girl, I am no longer willing to serve myself as the sacrificial lamb on the godforsaken altar of your cyclical and entirely dramatic relationship. I quit.

Weirdly enough, Keith Richards' new Louis Vuitton ad shot by Annie Leibovitz attracted my attention. Oh wait, he looks like someone I know, and dated...and...aw crap...

Sure sure, I really liked that guy and he was funny and witty and charming and had a really really huge penis, and in about 10 more years he will probably look like the above photo.

The things I'm sure of about men are...

1. They're really petty.
2. They're pretty competitive.
3. They like to own things.

Boys, especially the ones I've been dealing with recently, tend to be particularly juvenile in their thinking. They often think that if they sleep with a woman, they own that woman.

Ry seems to have become aware early on that I slept with a friend of his. And, while I don't begrudge Cc for telling Ry about what happened, I guess it would've been better if he told me that he confessed. Ry and Cc are close, they're good friends and I know Cc only wanted to be a good friend by admitting that he slept with the girl that most boys think is Ry's bitch. When the fact of the matter is, I am no one's bitch.

It made sense that Ry knew because Cc had been mighty brave with all the blatant flirting in front of him. And Ry didn't seem to mind.

What amused me was that the last time I slept with Ry he spewed his come all over me. It was a quickie, and we were still clothed, I had my top on and only took off my shorts and underwear, Ry only pushed down his pants and underwear. And when he came he took the liberty of squirting jizz on my top.

Having had my fair share of men, I know when they want to make a point, when they want to claim. And aside from Ry cumming all over me like a dog marking his territory with piss, he's made some vague verbal statements as well.

Ry believes he owns me, that I will always be nice to him, and always be good to him, and always sleep with him just because I've slept with him a couple of times. I guess I'll leave his rude awakening in its own time. I won't rush it.

Being a typically sexually aware (and hopefully responsible) woman, most of my less aware, less active and less responsible female friends regularly turn to me for sexual and reproductive advice.

Now, what bothered me a while back was when a friend of mine mentioned that she had to wear pantyliners often because she hated it when her pussy smelled like, well, pussy. Which was a bit weird.

See, I love my pussy. How it smells, how it tastes, especially how it tastes on someone else's fingers, and spectacularly on someone else's tongue. I have no problems with that pussy smell she refers to. Unless she's unhygienic.

It just struck me how desperately inculcated in women this fear and hate of their bodies is. Not everything has to smell like roses. It is an actual pussy and yes normally it would smell like pussy. Clean, juicy pussy.

Another friend,Idiot, a high school classmate who I've drifted away from, struck me as an idiot and a moron recently. She told me that a common friend of ours, a girl we'll call Delilah was in the hospital for something. Then Idiot went on to say that Delilah had a psuedo FB and that they initially thought that she was pregnant. Idiot went on to say that she was pissed off at Delilah's FB when he responded to the thought of her possible pregnancy with less than what she expected.

Apparently, Idiot expected Delilah's FB to offer marriage and come up with a comprehensive scheme for raising the entire family. All I could tell Idiot was, "well, he is just an FB".

See Idiot is a girl who got impregnated by her boyfriend a couple of years ago. They were together for about 6 months and she got pregnant and they got married after her mother spoke to the boyfriend's mother. Come to think of it I should've expected that reaction from Idiot. She believes marriage is the answer. When in all actually it isn't.

Another friend was recently sick, throwing up in the office and with a headache. Typically, we started teasing her that she was pregnant. She replied that she couldn't be pregnant because she threw up late in the afternoon and not in the morning. I told her morning sickness can happen at any time. And she was shocked.

Now this baffled me that she did not know this. Any sexually active woman should be fully aware of this and know what she's going to go through in the event she does get pregnant. I had believed her to be fully aware as she was the one with a regular gynecologist, she was also the one on the pill.

I have no idea how the lives of some of these girls are right now but I do hope they learn a little bit more about sex, their bodies, fuck buddy relationships and the like before they get into fuck ups.

A woman's body, when properly cleaned and taken cared of is a very beautiful thing with smells that will drive any man crazy. And, a psuedo-FB is justa psuedo-FB. Plus, marriage is not the cure for pregnancy.

I adore Bv. I adore him. He is one of the best friends any girl can have. He is also one of the best partners in crime any promiscuous girl can have.

The way things are, Bv has been extremely supportive of my escapades. And he has been instrumental in several flings and seeks to provide further entertainment.

Like most guy friends Bv thinks that a relationship would enrich me and that I should experience it so that I would know what I was missing, or something like that. I understand that relationships are beautiful things and that love is amazing. I have nothing but the highest respect for loving relationships and I think it would be cool if I could be in one that I would actually like.

The thing is, Bv thinks that I should stop sleeping around so that I can attract a decent man. The main reason we disagree is that I don't think a single woman who sleeps around is such a bad thing. I don't think sex is evil, I don't think it depreciates anyone's value.

I would give up the swinging single sex life if I found a man worthy of my full devotion and monogamy. I love sex. And I do it with several people because it is fun and I want it.

Several people still think that sex is bad, or that it should be hidden and never admitted. This is why some people think cheating is so much fun, it's a walk on the wild side, or it feeds their severely underfed and undersexed egos.

Sex is just sex. It is an act. It is an extremely fun and enjoyable act. It can be a game, a hobby a sport. I have never cheated on anyone I loved, I have never lied to have sex, and I don't think it would be a negative if someone I liked enjoyed sex when he was single.

I don't condone cheating. It's stupid to endanger a relationship with someone you love for a temporary fling. This is why I think a relationship should only be with someone you really love. The single life is great, it's fucking fabulous (literally), and I would give it up if the right man came along.

Which is why I disagree with Bv. The right man would not be perturbed or threatened by the fact that I slept around with other men. The right man would be secure in who he is and what he is and what I am and who I am to not worry about my past and what I used to do.

Being promiscuous is part of who I am. I enjoy it. The same as people who enjoy swimming or dancing or reading. It is just an act. Other people put such a high premium on it that they think it's such a huge deal and that it is both evil and good and amazing.

Then Bv counters with the line, "You don't have to agree or disagree, that's just how things are."

And then I said, "And I don't agree with how things are."