Bitchicisms

I never thought that things going on in my personal life would ever affect my sex drive. In the past, it didn't really matter. I have fucked men while simultaneously cursing them. I have fucked during tough times. In times of need, when I had to scrounge for the cash to go anywhere (I never felt good traveling without at least some money), I would do anything in my power to get laid. If I was attracted to a man and we could have sex, I would.

Now everything's come to an abrupt halt. I like to think it's the phase in my life where I'd go for quality instead of quantity. But it isn't.

One night I ended up passing by a friend's house. I was just supposed to use the toilet since it was along my way home. I also wanted to go to a neutral place to wait for my next move since I was bouncing from venue to venue that night.

He made a pass at me. And I declined. Playfully and cheekily but I did turn down the offer. I think I wanted to. He isn't bad looking. He's kinda cute in a weird funusual (fun and unusual) way. He's a good lay. Why did I not fuck him?

Things are at a crossroads right now. My head space is fucked up. I am not thinking straight. All the ideas, priorities, emotions and events are clouding my brain. And I am thirsting for more social interaction and intellectual stimulation.

I have always been hungry for life, now I feel like life is trying to eat me whole. And that is distracting me to the point that I can't fuck. Fuck.