Bitchicisms

They say men are obsessed with quantity. Well, that and size. It's all about who has more, and who has it bigger. But they don't apply the same principles to women.

One late, boring night at the office, I got stuck with 2 men. As is wont to do when I'm around, the conversation got to sex. Contrary to most porn movies, we did not end up in a threesome where they Eiffel-Towered me. Instead they ended up shocked and awed when I told them my number.

I've had sex with 32 guys. That's 32 men, not 32 times. I started when I was 18 and never looked back. I keep a list of who I've slept with so that I never miss a name. Some of the names on the list I'd almost forgotten, and barely remember the encounter. Some of them I've mentioned several times on this blog because they're so good (or bad) in bed.

I should've known it was a mistake to bring numbers up. I'd only asked because I'd assume they would have more than 5 (the number which they both gave). They'd seemed so adventurous, surpassing me in the "where's the strangest place you've done it" round.

But they were both shocked to pieces when I gave my number (which is in fact 8x the global average according to the last Durex worldwide sex survey). They appeared to have never met a woman with that number, one even said that he once scolded an ex because she'd slept with 5 guys.

But really, if you've been having sex for 9 years, 32 only comes up to 3 1/2 men a year on average. It's not that much.

I know I sound apologetic. But I've been concerned about this number before. I'm afraid my number makes me...well...strange. And I've always been afraid that this strangeness is bad. I've never aimed to go for 32, even if I'd occasionally played at aiming to have at least one entry for each letter in the alphabet (but I seem to have a penchant for meeting men with the same name at the same time).

Sometimes I fear that my number shows on my face. That it makes me too slutty. Or that I'm too obvious. But I realize, strange isn't bad. There is nothing wrong with 32. I don't particularly regret any of them, and even my sexual mistakes were made on my own terms. I've never been shy about getting laid if I wanted, and it's saved me years of sexual frustration.

Having sex with over 32 men (I'm not dead yet, and will probably be adding) is not a problem. As long as I don't tell the wrong people about it.

And yes, yes, the circle of life. I am familiar with the movie the Lion King. I know what it means. I have the quintessential Disney soundtrack album downloaded (I know, so uncharacteristic right?).

Yes, also like the gin commercial: Bilog ang Mundo (the world is round).

So why do I say this? Because I am almost exactly where I am after I ended it with H. We-eell...not really.

There was no semi-drunken I'm-such-a-dirty-slut mode. There was no overdose of Amy Winehouse songs (hmm...may have substituted that this time for Duffy, with her 'I won't be your mistress anymore' songs). And no, I have not gone on major shopping trip, mostly because I am a bit low on funds. I barely know if I've been hysterical and depressed constantly because of Ak or of the fact I am abandoned with a mountain load of work to do. The lines get blurred sometimes.

I am a chronic escapist, plus I don't often trust my emotions. And I play-act. That plus many of my other flaws (trust issues, penchant for unavailable men, obsessive-compulsive/borderline disorder) makes it hard for me to know how I feel exactly. I mean, how the hell difficult was it for me to decide to gun for Ak right? Oh please, ultra-femme fickleness.

But when you start to get addicted to songs with lyrics such as these...

Stepping Stone
by Duffy

I rememeber way back way back when
I said i never wanna see your face again
Cause you were loving yes you were loving somebody else
And i knew oh yes i knew i couldn't control myself
And now they bring you back into my life again
And so i put on a face just like your friends
But i think you know oh yes you know whats going on
Cause the feelings in me oh yes in me are burning strong

...how the hell can you not think about an old lover who has a girlfriend?! Then the resolve kicks in during the chorus of the same song...


...so yes, my predictions that this whole trip would be over after the weekend was right. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. And I got laid. With H no less. Who recently broke up with his girlfriend (yes, which means we cheated on her the last couple of times we hooked up.sigh.)

So why is life a circle? I am where I was before Ak arrived to fuck it all up. Admittedly it wasn't all his fault. I kinda wanted him to fuck it all up. I wanted to feel something different for a change. Think of it as bungee jumping . It's something stupid, unnecessary yet completely exhilarating.

I admit I wanted to jump. Not because I had to. Not because I felt it was the only course of action I could take. But because it was different from not jumping.

So the emo mode ensued. I was a bit despondent. Didn't indulge in black chocolate and milk though, like the last time. I cried. I think it was because of Ak and not despair at my approaching deadline. I felt like I was going crazy. Thinking about him.

Then I decided I don't give a fuck about anything else. I was going out. And I did. And got some drinks. Ended up with H. Again.

And it was like the reset button was hit. I didn't know the button was hidden aaaaall the way inside... But it was.

Fuck sex is great with H.

Oh and Ak? The weekend is over. And as predicted. Not hurting anymore.

I greeted the first hour of April 9 by masturbating to the tune of Fall Out Boy's remake of Beat It.

Seemed like a perfect time to start blogging again. All hyped up on energy and a little spent after coming.

I have been busy from engaging in carnal activities as well trying to earn some cash and get my life in order. Yes I fuck and tell here.

Now that the fucking has happened. Let the telling begin.

Suck
Suck it up
Suck it all
Suck and let go

These are the lyrics to a Peaches song called Suck and Let Go. It was fortuitous that this was playing immediately after a little blowjob action in the office restroom.

I'd been angsty the entire day then I got a bolt of energy somewhere down the line. As what normally happens when I get a bolt of energy, I get horny. I'd been making the moves on O the entire day. Now this is something friends who have met him will never get: why I want to keep getting sexual with O. He just basically does it for me. He's not unattractive and is definitely appealing in a defiantly male way. He can get it done.

I've been rubbing up against him and he asked why I was hot. Meaning my temperature was definitely elevated. My ex used to tell me that whenever we were about to have sex, that my skin felt hot. So O asked me if I was hot because I was hot. And I replied to the affirmative.

While talking business he steered me to the office restroom and proceeded to fondle me. He pulled my shirt down to get at my tits, even positioning me in front of the mirror so he could see what my nipples looked like reflected back at him. He nearly ripped my shirt again. He sucked and nibbled on me and I felt the heat coming up my body from my crotch.

Finally he unzipped his pants and asked for a blowjob. Just a tease he said. I squatted down and proceeded to take him in my mouth as he pulled my hair. I knew he was gonna come really fast if I kept it up. The thrill and danger of being caught has always excited us. I had to push him away. Then he asked for it again and I fellated him again and I could feel his hands roughly pushing my head down and his dick pulsating and I knew I was gonna have a huge load squirt all over me.

I pushed him away and I looked at him, and he played with his dick like he wanted to squirt his come all over my face, something I would normally want except not when I had to worry how to clean up after.

I stood up and pushed him away even though I wanted more. I walked to my area as he went back inside the men's restroom. My nipples still felt sore and I could taste him in my mouth when I got cornered into a serious conversation with my boss. I pulled away as soon as I could and walked to the nearby 711 to clear my head. I can still smell him on my hand. I felt so damn giddy.

He was in pain after, having thoroughly enjoyed the cock tease. But it felt so fucking good. And naughty. Makes me wet.

If I keep this elevated sense of arousal til Saturday, when I'll have to see Ry again, I might jump his bones despite the fact his coyness is starting to annoy me.

I wonder if O will react the same way if he gets to read this blog?

I'll try to keep the list as short and simple as I can.

1. Shop for the perfect gynecologist.
2. Always bring condoms.
   
3. Maintain high self esteem.
4. Turn my body into a weapon. (firm, tone, and all those adjectives which mean an efficient sex engine)
5. Acquire a positive outlook on life. Be optimistic.
6. Get rich or die tryin'. (thanks fiddy for this one)
7. Work on leaving. (this country, this state of affairs)
8. Start writing for real. (meaning fiction. like I used to.)
   

I'll check this Jan. 2, 2009.

Still in Six Feet Under mode. Watching all the episodes I never got to watch cos I was always too busy to watch them when the series was actually still running.

Claire used the term Cracking Open My Eye. It was something her art teacher told her she needed to do. A new way of seeing things. What I need is a new way of living life, of feeling.

I was supposed to go to a Tattoo Expo somewhere with E but I got pissed off pretty early cos I fired my driver. Well, he was an idiot who was getting to comfortable by stealing money and never being available and overall generally irresponsible.

I ended up in a mall with E and buying some books and watching a movie and getting generally pissed off because it was hot and traffic was hell.

The movie was ok. Blah. It was Elizabeth: The Golden Age and the books were As Seen on TV and The Astrological Diary of God. Book sale books that I haven't even read yet.

What I learned is that I am a bit unhappy with how my life was going. It's not so much where it is now, where I am now is a long way from where I was a year ago. Even the fact that I actually ended up feeling for a guy, albeit the wrong guy, is a bit of a breakthrough. The unhappiness stems from the fact that I am very very vague and confused and scared where this life is going.

Then I had this realization, I need a new way to live, I need to crack open my soul. Figure out my way through life. Do what I really want to do, live how I want to live. Pursue my passions, my dreams my fantasies. Fuck who I want to fuck. Write what want to write.

I realized how stupid pining over H was. When we first met, he was still with his then-and-now-again girlfriend. And it is possible that he broke up with her in the 2 days between then and when he asked O for my number. The point is that, well, I didn't want him then. And O was right I knew H wasn't relationship material.

I think I've been using him as an excuse to feel. To grieve to bitch and moan. I don't want excuses anymore. I need to crack open my soul.

I realized I've been stupid for being pissed off that some of my friends are losers. That some of them are trying to fuck people who will never fuck them. It pisses me off that some of them have zero personality and are boring and that hey upset me with their petty mistakes and their close mindedness and their insecurities and their faults and beliefs and their pretensions and their nasty gritty real life errors.

They are human. And though I may be hard on myself I don't need to be hard on them. Granted that I already change friends and leave out ones that feel like they are too ugly or needy or broken or dirty or too much work. Ever searching for the elusive perfect and nice and wonderful friends who are attractive and ambitious and talented and creative. Well there's no one like that. Not that I know of anyway.

I should also get used to the fact that men will think whatever they want to think about me. No matter what I'm wearing no matter what I do or say or try or how I act. They will always think I am difficult and weird and insane or stereotypical or slutty or bitchy or bratty.

I can change and be nicer, a sanitized version of myself, a shadow of who I currently am. Maybe, then maybe I could be content. Make it easier on myself and everyone else around me by being satisfied.

Then I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be hungry or needy or wanting things. I'd just be another typical girl working a job that I care nothing for but pays my bills and waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up at the end of work each day and then taking me home.

Blah blah blah blah blah. I'm such a whiner.

My soul needs to be cracked open. Open. Like a shell. I need to remove all these fears and face all these demons. I need to exorcise my old and defective beliefs.

What are the signs you're life is stagnated, boring and other wise dull? Well, other people literally won't see it. They would think the ennui of working middle class people is not typically seen as a great concern. It is seen as a direct and often predictable result of being a rat in a rat race, a member of a capitalist-consumerist society.

Still, how do you decipher that this boredom is real and means that you should move on, move away, move up or just goddamn move.

1) You are always late. Because things bore you you no longer bother to show up on time for them. This applies to dates, work, gimiks etc... The frustration of another person no longer matters. Who cares if that person has been waiting for ages just to have drinks with you? Would you really give a flying fuck if the company is losing money by you not being prompt? Who gives a fuck?

2) You notice all people's flaws. The petty crap. The annoying extreme campy gayness (yes though I adore gay people grating screams of temper tantrums are just not my thing). The cheezyness, the rudeness, the lack of etiquette and proper decorum. Even if I am normally not normal, life still would be better if I were not privy to all this opportunistic lack of essence and substance.

3) Always tired/bored/sleepy/hungry. Yes boredom can lead heavily into emotional eating and the like. This basically means there is nothing to look forward to, nothing excites you. Yet often your body stays wired, ready and taut. But nothing ever happens. This insane overflow of static energy will cause you at times to leap out of your skin.

4) Escapism. Alcohol. Again food. Sex. Blow Jobs. Hunting. Clubbing. Drugs. All these mean something. It means your life is so boring for you that you have to manufacture drama to keep it entertaining.

5) Well. Just plain boredom. Bored out of your skull. Your status message on YM says you're bored. You constantly check Friendster and Multiply and you have www.addictinggames.com bookmarked. You have 4 or more blogs that are constantly updated. You are up to date on all weird and entertainment news

So what does this all mean. It's time to go away. Leave. Change. Move on.

Oh yes, I can feel the "ber" months nearing. Dammit.

And yes, I did swear I would be 120 lbs. come December. Which is a full 20 lbs. loss in approximately 4 months. And I am eating brownies. hahahaha

This holiday season is shaping up to be one of the best in recent history. My family is doing very well. We're about to get two (two!yey!) dogs and money is so far not a problem.

I'm cleaning up my life (sorta facing up to old ghosts, friends who have been pissing me off for years...they now know god's honest truth), figuring out exactly what I want (which isn't staying in a stagnated company) and trying to get over this weird convoluted (daughter M's favorite word, hehehe)thing with H.

And yes getting older is definitely a lot of help. Though I am becoming more fearful and paranoid. Probably because life teaches you that shit happens, men sometimes are complete total assholes and friends can be full of shit.

A lot has happened the past 6 months I've changed careers and things have been mostly ok though they can be better. I don't really need a change, rather an improvement.

I need people who are not stupid, people who challenge, people who want something more out of life than multiple credit cards and loans and cars, people who inspire and command respect. I am sick of nouveau riche white trash types who have no breeding. I am sick of people making fun of me cos I like nice things. I am sick and tired of people implementing rules that do not apply to them and most of all I am sick of the family that blunders into all sorts of crap beause they are pretending to know what they are doing.

It's put up or shut up time. And I will gladly enjoy the last 6 months of my work here. I will not get into the pitfall of staying too long in a crappy job.

A = success

A = X + Y + Z

X = work

Y = play

Z = keeping your mouth shut

Well yeah. Leeched this off another site, but hey I like it!

Been going hither and tither. Working. Fucking (but still not enough...hahah). Hanging out with long lost friends.

Life is indeed a cycle. I go through these weird motions of wanting it and wanting it. Sex I mean. Then suddenly I get into this zone where I want to keep working and working then sex comes along and BAM! Suddenly I'm on fucking mode again.]

It's weird how sex happens sometimes. Suddenly an SMS, or a nudge or a bottle of beer. Then the next day your deliciously sore and sort of warm all over.

No hard feelings yes, definitely none. It's all just physical, chemical, fun, pure, unadulterated. SEX. Not tainted by all that confusing weird emotions and idoiosyncrasies or fears and insecurities.

Yes. No strings attached sex, just what I like. In the midst of deadlines and work and heavy loads and backlogs. Sex. It's completely fucking cerebral how I think of it.

Imagine having access to dozens and dozens of memories, flashes, even just the barest hint of a sexual encounter transformed into a full-blown masturbation fantasy.

Yes, another ode to sex. An escape from the stresses and troubles of daily life. A haven, sweet charger to my eternally depleted battery, a hobby, a passion, a creative outlet.

Fun. Pure. Clean. No Fuss No Muss Fun.

Just got back from distant northern province. Darker and somehow hornier.

What the hell is it about rainy season that makes people horny? Is it the cold? The damp atmosphere? Rain dripping down from roofs?

Anyway, people are horny.

I came back to the workplace to find a horny O. One who asked for sex, or even just a blowjob. He seemed eager enough despite mentioning that it would be "awkward" because V tapped it before him.

I was perplexed. V had not been in contact since we last burnt the sheets. It was non-issue. There was absolutely nothing preventing O from doing me, no exclusivity clause or non-compete clause that said he couldn't or shouldn't. Not that I actually want him to...but it just perplexes me that he brought V up.

Old uragon friend Bv (22 y/o baby boy) might be in Manila soon. Possibly to hook up. Am keeping my fingers crossed. I miss young boys.

Virgin boy Bn and I have been texting. A friend asked me what the attraction was. My reply? He's cute! Pretty girl eyes. Tiny lips (which I've never tried before). And....he's a freakin virgin! Guys aren't the only ones who want to be first y'know!

Weird, psycho old X has been coming around sniffing for it. Even called when I was in T. He made a delightful offer. Since he had no cash for a C.I., if I pay for it, he'll do ALL the work. As in ALL of it. He still knows how to make me quiver. And he's actually good in bed.

Weirdly enough am on a hiatus again. Too tired, or too busy or too lazy to look for hook ups. I stay in. Unless I'm at a work thing. I'm behaved. I don't look for boys. I haven't gone clubbing in ages. I'm working, free-lancing.

A friend recently asked me to update my blog, I told her there was nothing to update. If she was looking for sex posts, I have none for her. I am too busy working on my life to look for hook ups. As of yet. :)

My life is haggard and slightly stressed...too busy to be doing anything like "blogging" in my spare time. Besides my home PC is broken.

Going on a country tour of cities without actually seeing the cities, just flying in dropping off, having an event and leaving. It's extremely hot in a lot of provinces nowadays.

Have NO time to look for NEW victims. Haven't even posted backlog on O who made a great mistake very apparent by enticing me with some hankypanky in a summer capital.

Met a barely legal teen boy I would love to get my hands on. met up with old CC friends P and B who are going along their lives. Ran into T at a huge mall. Trying to tell people my old YM id is bust (for no apparent reason it just broke).

Missing my old friends, missing my new friends. Crappers. This leg of events is running my life.

Male friendships are a weird, complex thing that evolves differently dependent on the cast of characters.

Some guys bond over PS, or poker or basketball. Some just drink and chase skirt together. Some have a deep and unbreakable bond which leads them to share each others deepest fears and emotions. Some sleep at each other's house and use each other's house as motels.

Weirdly enough O has been awkward since I slept with V. It's not that he ignores me, or that he's been mean to me. It's the little things.

I had an idea something was up when I said goodbye to him at his event, when I left with V. His eyes were blank, after he said his perfunctory, "Goodbye, take care,have fun" message (V had already told him we were leaving together), he immediately left me, my mouth sort of agape, like he couldn't wait to be away from me. Granted there were a lot of people. Granted it was his event. But his eyes were blank. His eyes were never blank when he looked at me before.

Aside from the fun teasing, flirting, groping relationship O and I also enjoyed a close friendship borne of similar intentions that were out in the clear. He wanted me, for some reason or other, I wanted him. Now he doesn't know how to approach me or talk to me.

Yesterday when he passed me on the corridor he did not know how to touch me. We are both very touchy people and he normally taps my ass or my hips when we pass each other. Yesterday he opted for the safe fleshy part of my arm as he passed, saying my name in greeting.

Whereas before we went out in public fo our little meetings and discussions (free-lance work related), now he would rather not spend time with me, and becomes awkward when we do get into those situations.

I know boys talk. I know V probably told him about sex with me. Whether good or bad I don't know. I just wish this stupid damnfool notion that once I've been branded (dick literally stamped in my pussy) by his friend, then he can't touch me. I am not a lamp post that dogs piss on to mark their territory. O can touch me whenever he wants to. In fact things were more interesting when he touched me. It's not like Im engaged to V, or like he even has any lingering lasting interest in me.

I'm ok with the no cheating rule he has (which lists full on sex as the mortal sin, all others venials that can be committed). But I hope we can have the old banter back. The old closeness. Damn. Besides, I liked it when things were interesting.

My friend Tinkerbell is currently working in Dubai. Earning good money and working well.

I am currently working in the Philippines. Earning little money, working hard, doing the job I was meant to do, but getting paid doodly squat.

Before my friend left for Dubai she did tell me that she was gonna get me once she was settled. I didn't want to honestly.

But now, even when I am doing what I like. I realized that man cannot live on bread alone, we want meat , we want ice cream.

My mom's for it. Of course. For me to leave, help the family. I sort of want it, escaping the family, going out on my own.

Meg says, good money, cute boys, lots of ukay-ukay (haha, I can't believe this is one of the selling points). I do want to leave, make it on my own at some point in time before I'm settled.

Anyway, who knows. Meg's pushing for me within the year. All I said is, I'll think about it.

If I do leave, I'd already promised to sleep with X and O before I depart. Which is why they're for it I guess, those assholes.

Oh yeah, still there, this asshole.

Remember somewhere in my last post I mentioned that he hinted that he was going to set me up with friends? Well this is what happened Wednesday night last week.

He mentioned he had a racket for me, which I of course liked. I agreed to meet him at a chill place near both our houses, since talking about rackets in the office were risky.

I went there dressed in something casual and comfy, already resigned to the fact that there would be no sex between us anytime soon.

Things were pretty chill. We talked about the thing, drank a couple of beers and talked. I can't help it that I'm a touchy person. I can't help being sweet and flirtatious. I can't change what is already part of my genetic make up.

Then he mentioned his friend was going to join us, and I thought hmmm... Flashback to earlier offers to hook me up with his friends. Now the asshole wants to fuck me via proxy.

His friend arrived. Was cool, or is, cool. Older, really skinny. As in skinny. As in break him over my knee skinny. As in my arm is probably as thick as his legs skinny. I sort of knew something was up when we were introduced and he sort of grabbed at my hand while sahking it, "You look familiar, have we met before?"

It could be honestly that he thought we met before, I mean I have one of those easy to look-alike faces. If it was a line, it was such a sad, sad line. I liked his friend. His friend was cool, nice and filled to the brim with attitude. I just don't want to sleep with him.

Anyway, his friend ended up giving me a ride home, as he was the only one with enough cash to get a cab. The next day weiner guy asked me immediately if his friend gave me a ride home. I said yeah. Then I asked why he asked. He said, "no reason."

Then Tuesday morning I read this SMS message from the guy asking me permission to give my number to his friend cos his friend was asking for it. I was like, "okay." And when I get into the office, another office mate tells me, "So you've already met (toot-toot)," referring to our officemates friend. How obviously a set-up.

It's weird and kind of amusing. But...nah. No plans of sleeping with that guy. :D

I hate losing things. Especially money.

Oh God. I hate it. Almost as much as I hate the fact that being the new kid in the office, eyes are sometimes on me. As much as the fact that being the new kid, and one of only 2 twenty-something girls, my outfit always gets noticed. Oh well, I don't hate that really.

I like the attention sure. Don't always like the fact that the boss' family hangs out at the office for no particular reason. Don't particularly like seeing otherwide normal people fall all over themselves to please these folks, some kids my age.

I like working at my new job, it's my first foray into the line I really want to be in, Creatives. I'm not gonna lie and say I'll stay here forever. I will move up in about a year or two. Have no plans of lingering in this place forever. It jsut saddens me that people are old and still here. That they have no other dreams than this one.

Sometimes I cringe when people use wrong grammar, or mispronounce things, or ask me to do things that aren't really in my job description. But hey, most of the day I don't do anything so what the hell. I do it still. I may not do it perfectly but I still do it.

Having cool people to hang out with is fun too. Makes me wonder how long it'll take me before I hate it here. Cos right now I'm still loving it. Despite the lousy salary. I don't look at job openings any more. I just ignore them. Who knows.

Oh yeah.

It's finally been resolved. Sort of.

Had a serious talk with that guy I was referring to.

He spent the entire morning at work not being able to look me in the eye. Don't know why, but maybe the confrontational, yet teasing SMS I sent him last week had something to do with it.

Sorry, but as you noticed in my previous post, I was getting pissed off. And horny. Well, the motherfucker wasn't able to speak to me until later in the day. And it started with the Dreamgirls song "For One Night Only" that was playing. He started singing, smiled and looked at me.

What a dork.

Anywya, so, we chatted a little, mostly work related. Then when late afternoon came, he asked me if I wanted to join him in the restroom (he regularly asks me this, don't worry, it means absolutely zilch). So anyway, we end up going out back, me smoking and him talking. We talk about, of all things, his girlfriend and relationships.

It was honestly just a polite way to say, oh, I won't sleep with you, but I'll grope your ass (because til then he did). He went on and on about how he loved his girlfriend, how he wanted his ex girlfriend, etc...etc...All the while I was thinking...hmm...not much groping this time. He spun yarn after yarn explaining his current situation, his current relationship, his past relationships, and I didn't really give a shit. I was like, okay, don't really care boy.

Anyway, people started coming out back to smoke so he left. We ended our "heart to heart" online, through YM, which was where he started this whole thing anyway. So I tell him off. Tell him that I could take things so much further where he'd have no choice but to fuck me. He called me a typical girl, which means I'm pushy. He tried to set me up with his friend.

He's a weirdo. Insane. Haha, who knows? His last statement, that we would be insane close friends, just friends. As long as he doesn't get drunk beside me, in which case he'd jump my bones. Hah! He doesn't even have enough balls to ask me out. What the hell does this guy think he's doing.

Ah well, it's relatively easy to turn him on. In fact, I don't even have to try. I just have to be sweet, sexy, silly me. :D Motherfucker won't know what hit him.

...or in other words, if you're not gonna purchase, stop touching the merchandise.

Yeah well, some guys are really committed to their girlfriends, or not.

I find it weird that some guys who are already in relationships still fool around with other girls. It's neither surprising nor anything new, I've been on the receiving end of that thing several times so it doesn't shock me. Even the guys who seem so mushy-sweet, so loyal, so doting, caring and nice get up to all sorts of fuckaroos when their girlfriends backs are turned.

But then there's this one guy at my new office. Oh he's not attractive. Has a girlfriend though. The interesting thins about him is that my very first day he got my YM id and started chatting with me. Then he started fishing. Convo turned to sex and threesomes and then he admitted he liked me. I wasn't surprised, I mean, this guy was no hunk, he was the type of guy that was easy for flirts/players like me. Plus: he's extremely horny.

Anyway, so-on-so-forth-blah-blah-blah, I admitted I'd do it with him given the chance. Ok, again, so he's not attractive, not hot, why the hell would I let him fuck me? Well, there are some guys that you see, where you can't really explain it, but you just wanna do it with them for the heck of it. Curiosity? Amusement? Dry spell? Whatever. He's just one of those guys that make me go, "He's not attractive. But hmmm..."

Flirting flirting flirting.
Office groping.
Flirting flirting flirting.
Little more groping in the office restroom

But there was a wall. Despite the fact that he has grabbed my ass enough times to memorize the shape, still no sex, and no clear sex in the near future. Why? Cos he has a girlfriend.

That's right, motherfucker will flirt, grope and grab ass, but will not do the nasty becasue he loves (or is afraid) of his girlfriend.

I dunno about him, but for me just even initiating sex talk with another person, just opening that door is already cheating. Not flirting but thinking about fucking someone else, just imagining that is already cheating. Getting a boner in the office while grabbing your officemate's ass then going home and fucking your girlfriend is not the nicest thing to do.

What makes things worst is that I love the challenge! A friend of mine said it's so not worth it, and I agree. But it's just so easy to make him squirm! I am loving these mind games and he has just made himself the perfect target.

Now it's not just a matter of having sex, it's making him crumble, making him too horny to resist, of having him realize that I'm damn hot and he should know it. A game of making him realize that the first time he grabbed my ass he shoulda just fucked me coz it's still (it all was) cheating.

It's funny how things are. It amuses me that this situation has transpired. Now I have something fun to look forward to in the office. Him getting a hard-on and squirming in his seat while I strut past him in heels and skirt. Funny. And he's not gonna get anymore free touches. The next time he does anything that gets him off, he better go down on me.

Happiness is a world removed from work. Or so I thought before. Now I know the truth. Happiness is in the same vicinity as work.

There's something uniquely delightful about flirting in the office. The semi-discreet ass-grabs and the sudden pinches amuse me. It's funny how I missed this kind of kinky stuff.

Ever entered one of those situations where you felt instantly at home? Like you can talk to all these people and they wouldn't judge you or mock you or talk evily about you behind your back.

I had that recently, at my new company. Finally I am in the ad industry, the company albeit small is wonderful, the people immensely pleasurable. They get my jokes, they don't scold me for being noisy, in fact, they shout back when I shout at them. A clear difference from the environment I was exposed to in that OTHER company where I worked as a brand marketing assistant, where I had to curb my natural tendencies.

I've been in my ad agency for 2 days and it still feels fine,still feels too new. Time flies when you're having fun.

Ended the year 2006 on uncertain territory. It was, to say the least, an ambiguous end. Had a job, had new friends, lost weight, still wanted more.

Now seems a bit too late to state the 2007 project, but it still needs to be said.

1) Tone up and go down to 125 lbs. - have to exercise and curb the excessive eating
2) Get into the career/industry I love -- this I started to fulfill Feb. 19, 2007. Have to explore it.
3) Let go of excess baggage. -- meaning: a) my ex, b) virgin guy I tried to divirginize and c) 19 y/o I tried to screw.
4) Become financially free. -- entails: getting all my money from my momma
5) Have work-life balance. -- vacations, shopping and the like

Seems easy enough I'm sure. We'll see how it goes.