Bitchicisms

...kinda boring right now. No drama. Unless I make my own. All things quiet on the sex, work, money, family, friends fronts. Everything's fine.

Then why the hell do I feel the need to blow it all away?

it's like I can't even really sit still without drama. I need to, got to, want to, have some drama in my life. Things are boring. Getting better yet boring.

I feel stuck in inertia and weirded out by my birthday. It's too soon! I'm turning officially 24! Dammit!

There's so much more I want to do, but the place and time where I am in right now maybe preventing all that with the fear and shit. I think I need a great big leap of faith. Blow away all the crappy trappings of my life and go back to how I really am.

This way I will be free of H, V and O and all the crappy little turds that make up my old strings-free attachments. Not that I regret any of those, I loved them and will most likely do them again given half a chance. It's just that I am feeling twitchy.

I wrote this long boring blah-blah-blah post on my multiply that felt like goodbye. I feel like I do wanna strike out on my own somewhere and gather myself. I feel like I've lost myself in the swirling hype surrounding me.

Sounds weird I know. But I do have hype. I have this weird rep. And that's basically because I've been sleeping with too many people who frequent the same goddamn bar!

But no, it's not just that. I need to get away from my own expectations and my own carefully laid out plans. I need to clear my head. I will leave this company after I turn a year old. I will strike out somewhere alone and fresh and new. I don't want to be this brain dead or this stationary for long. I don't want H to be the main source of drama in my life.

I'm getting wanderlust. Heavy hardcore wanderlust. And I need to escape the secure, happy, safe shelter of people around me to find out what there is out there. And yes this blogpost already sounds like a cheap Hallmark made-for-TV movie about small town hick girl who moves to the big city. But yes. I want that.

The transformation from high school to college was a bit abrupt yet not too much. I want...something.