Bitchicisms

Yes aside from the Nirvana song....

Everyone has a dominate and subordinate side. There are people who are power players, key movers and shakers who want to submit and then thre are the tame, quiet "nice" people who somehow feel the need to dominate and control.

I feel the need to be dominated, subjugated to ones will...to follow...to be controlled.

I won't make any psychological guesses as to how or why I got this urge...this feeling...this yearning. All I know for certain is that I've always been a fan of violence, from the time when WWE was still called World Wrestling Federation, I've practiced chokeslams on my brother. I like action flicks and blood doesn;t gross me out.

I'm known to be very touchy, either in a sweet affectionate way or in a brutish, teasing way. I like pain. Inflicting it or feeling it. Of course when the bites are too hard I do speak up. Some men almost chew off my nipples when they get too excited.

Everyone has a rape fantasy as I once told H. Everyone. Then I told hm he was too nice to be a rapist. Of course I didn't tell him that V was ideal for a rapist. A fantasy rapist.

When V forcibly popped my anal cherry, it was a mixture of force and caresses. And when he noticed I didn't stop crying, he pulled out rolled me over, took a look at my tear streaked face and fucked my pussy. He did it hard and fast too...

I realized that crying (within reason) during sex was pleasurable after a fight with my ex. A fight about sex, wherein he ended up on top of me even when I told him not to. My mind said no but my body said yes (in all cheesy effect).

I found another ideal fantasy rapist last week. Someone who's bigger than me, someone who gets rough when he's horny, and a stranger whom I don't have to see ever again.

It was a pick up, a hook up, a one night stand. Just a little hoochie-coochie, hanky-panky, oh-baby-fuck-me action between two virtual strangers who met one night/early morning.

His name, I believe, was J. I'm not sure though. The minute he said his name it slipped my mind. He caught me at the bar, took me to the dance floor and asked if I wanted to "get some air"...obvious wasn't it?

It was a club one early early Saturday morning, coming from Greenbelt. I was with my high school friend M and her boyfriend D. We decided to go to this bar P which we had never been to. God I loved it. It's such a sinful place for sinners like I.

So I left with J, who asked me if I wanted to go someplace so he "can kiss you better...". Oh yes. I'm game.

The indentations he left overrode the dents that came from H. And I gotta say, fucking with a semi-cute stranger with a good bod is a helluvalot different from sleeping with a skinny, semi-cute boy you like. Both have equal merit.

J did make me come. Twice. And yes. It was good.