Bitchicisms

Yes I did watch it belatedly. I downloaded it as fast as I could, and I plan to download it after I'm done (still watching). I'm just really disturbed about Jordin Sparks. She seemed visibly agitated and even John Legend was visibly surprised.

Sure she feels passionately about those purity rings. If she wants to remain a virgin, she can do whatever the hell she wants to. But calling out people not wearing purity rings as sluts (which is, let's face it, exactly what her wording implies), is the kind of close-minded, stupid, stupid, black or white thing expected from the religious fundamentals. So she basically hurt her cause more than anything.

Must get the chance to use this line from Mark Millar's Wanted (the comic book not the movie):

Take it easy you little faggot. You really think I'm gonna lose the life support for that penis I been using lately?

And yes, it does perfectly describe the concern in fuck buddy relationships.

I recently told some dude trying to figure out how to dump a girl in the nicest way possible that he can always get out of it and be excused (in the long run) by using the emotions excuse. The explanation I gave him was that women responded to emotions, not logic.

Now, did I believe this? Yes. I am a woman after all. So I kinda know how these things work. Of course it is bad to generalize, but I do totally believe what I'm saying and it makes sense.

Women right now are told that they can do anything they set their minds too. And that is generally true. It came about from the women's liberation in the 80's. Now the field is supposed to be level. Everyone is equal. If you want it bad enough and work hard for it, you can get it.

The problem is that women tend to apply the same instinct when it comes to men. Not all women though, but in general. The things taught to us, that if we work hard enough, anything will work, doesn't apply to relationships or to men. Because men aren't really goals. They are, at best, thinking human beings with minds of their own. At worst, they're really just like dogs whose greatest achievement is not peeing on the rug (or not getting caught peeing on the rug).

The thing is, we have great instincts. I've noticed that. I think life would be much easier for me if I always follow my initial gut feeling about anything. It often is true. Around 80% of the time. This especially holds true for men. Ever felt that something was wrong? That things weren't right? That maybe you should just give up? That it really is a bad idea? Hell I always respond to these thoughts with the perpetual: But it could be really fun and turn into a cool fucking story.

Now, I've noticed that with most women, the problem is that war between the instincts and the logic. Most women know if the men they are with are dogs but they want to believe that they are not. Even when most obvious signs point to 'yes, this is fucked up', some, maybe even most, will still trudge along and try. Because trying is the best they can do. And we're taught that anything will work if you try hard enough.

A lot of the times the push-pull of emotions vs. logic overwhelm us so much. This often results in the mood swings, the flakiness, the uncertainty, the whole girly thing of 'convince me and I will do it'.

So why did I tell that guy to play the emotion card when dumping? Because women understand that pull of emotions. No matter what logical explanation you say to a woman, the pull of an emotional explanation is stronger. We know what it's like to feel something really deeply and be swayed by it despite all rational facts to the contrary.

I told the guy: If you dump her, she will hate you right now. There is no way to do that without pain. But for the least amount of pain, tell her things just happened. Speak in large ambiguous terms. Refer to destiny or the stars or how you feel. Spin it nicely. Somewhere down the line she will remember you as that guy who was just not meant to be, not that fucker who started fucking someone else.

I never thought that things going on in my personal life would ever affect my sex drive. In the past, it didn't really matter. I have fucked men while simultaneously cursing them. I have fucked during tough times. In times of need, when I had to scrounge for the cash to go anywhere (I never felt good traveling without at least some money), I would do anything in my power to get laid. If I was attracted to a man and we could have sex, I would.

Now everything's come to an abrupt halt. I like to think it's the phase in my life where I'd go for quality instead of quantity. But it isn't.

One night I ended up passing by a friend's house. I was just supposed to use the toilet since it was along my way home. I also wanted to go to a neutral place to wait for my next move since I was bouncing from venue to venue that night.

He made a pass at me. And I declined. Playfully and cheekily but I did turn down the offer. I think I wanted to. He isn't bad looking. He's kinda cute in a weird funusual (fun and unusual) way. He's a good lay. Why did I not fuck him?

Things are at a crossroads right now. My head space is fucked up. I am not thinking straight. All the ideas, priorities, emotions and events are clouding my brain. And I am thirsting for more social interaction and intellectual stimulation.

I have always been hungry for life, now I feel like life is trying to eat me whole. And that is distracting me to the point that I can't fuck. Fuck.

Why am I not horny?!?!? I haven't had sex in several several weeks and the urge is not there. Is this growing up? Is this focusing on work? That has never stopped me before. Has someone been slipping me sexual inhibitors in my water?! Have I been neutered/lobotomized in my sleep? Is this the effect of prolonged exposure to my laptop?!?!

What's wrong with me!?!?

Of course we've all probably met them. Those guys who have natural habitats and tactics. Those who can't venture beyond their circle where they are king and alpha male and leader of the tribe. Those who easily get threatened.

One such person is O. I've noticed that he tends to diminish the importance of rejections and play up his successes. He always has a reason, an excuse, why he can't get with a girl. And he always teases me that he already gave me 2 when I haven't been able to get him to score with any of my friends.

I let him forget how he detested the idea of me hooking up with his friends. How cold he was to me when V and I hooked up in his presence. How he tried to defuse the H bomb. And how confusing he became after I hooked up with both.

Instead I remind him that I have no control over my friends and neither does he. Though he let the things with V and H run their course, he didn't exactly help. So I just continue introducing him to friends. And I tell him to do his thing.

I refuse to believe he has no charisma because I have seen it at work a couple of times. But the times when he gets all fake and tries too hard is extremely difficult to watch. He literally goes down in flames because he just messes it all up. Now, I've been hearing evil things about him:

1. He has been setting up dinners/lunches/coffee with my friends telling them I'd be there. And he never tells me about them, I always hear about these things from my friends. Hello?! He had done this three times.
   
2. He has claimed he won't hook up with one of our common friends. We recently realized we both knew her and it was kinda weird how the world had gotten small. He mentioned that she seemed naughty, and I agreed while making it clear that she was completely unattractive to me. He claims that he won't yet he has apparently made the offers already. Dude! Never fuck down! If you're going to cheat on your gf, do it with someone hotter!
3. He had been setting up threesomes in my behalf without my knowledge. With the unattractive girl mentioned above.

Despite all the fuckery me and this guy has been up to, I do consider him a friend. So this depresses me when I think that someday I am going to have to throw down his ass because of his shenanigans. Well it doesn't depress me too much, not like it used to before. I guess I'm coming to terms he is a bit of a loser.

I've recently been reading on the Mystery Method. It's a method for pick up artists. And as my typical obsessive geeky behavior dictates, I started reading up on it as much as I can. I'm learning lots of new terms and styles that I can use to my advantage. I've also learned that men have been using parts of it on me with success for some time now.

Then a friend of mine gave my number, admittedly with my consent, to some dude. Some dude who's style of getting laid is to text me at odd hours and ask if I was busy, or if my mom was at home so he could come over. Now keep in mind that I had never met this man. He was a total stranger. I don't even know what he looks like.

I'd endured this for some time because it was a bit nice. And everyone knows I like having open options. But then it sounded a bit desperate when he stated, twice, that he was horny and that he wanted to go to my house. There were no offers of beer or even a pretense of anything but sex. And it perplexed me and disturbed me that he was willing to do this with someone he hadn't even met. It reeked of low value.

So after I called him out on his perviness I explained to him what I thought. That the game doesn't work that way. It's not simply fucking as many as you can; that makes you a whore. The game doesn't work that way. You don't reveal all your cards and evil intent immediately. If the prize is worth it, you play for it. Inch by inch and mile by mile you play for it cos its worth it.

It's not even that you want a relationship with this person. It's just that you want to fuck them more than once. Because they are worth keeping. Because they are worth it. Because they're hot and charming and funny. And what use is playing if it's not worth the prize.

Little newbie moron told me he didn't like playing games and he wanted it straight to the point. I told him I liked games cos it was more fun. I also told him he probably didn't think I was worth playing for cos he was rushing it. He said he knew I was which was why he offered, and that I was the one who turned him down. So maybe I thought he wasn't worth it. I said he didn't even give the game a chance to unfold and he rushed it. So I could never give him the fuck of his life.

Good riddance to a newbie.

I have been fielding a couple of offers recently. Weirdly enough I am already cooped up at home yet I have had men/guys/boys contact me, demanding immediate fuckery. What am I, freakin Jollibee? 24/7 Delivery?

I have received offers from, and turned down:

1. Cc - young boy of long ago, the offer was for immediate gratification. I offered and made shady plans knowing it might not push through.
   
2. Friend's bf - the sheer evil thought of it is tempting yet not enough.
3. Larry Flynt - not the larry flynt, but some dude I once had relations with. The moment was there, but for some reason I just wasn't feeling it.
4. Newbie - some dude who's supposedly a player but came off too overeager.
5. another O friend (AOF) - a possible part of the playlist yet something I'm not willing to gamble on.
6. Kk - some call center dude who I may or may not fuck but I am not actively pursuing

Now this is weird. Am I actively going on hiatus? Is stress getting to me? Is Ts right and I'm looking for something more ...Or is Mc right and this is a sign that the end is near and we all have to repent?