Bitchicisms

Oh yes this is the title of a Linkin Park song. But it doesn't matter. I just want to break the habit. What habit? Not the habit of sleeping around, or even the habit of engaging in casual sex.

The habit I want to break is the habit of inertia.

What is inertia? It is more commonly known as 1 of Newton's Laws of Motion.

1) An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by a net force.
2) Force equals mass multiplied by acceleration.
3) To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

The first law of inertia states that...

....An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by an external and unbalanced force. An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by an external and unbalanced force.

I am that object. Set on a course of continuous boozing, partying, sleeping around and such, I am constantly craving the same things over and over again. In an attempt to break this habit, have a breather, go on a small hiatus, I stayed in this weekend. Literally. I am not going outside the house.

Sure I was struck by an insane craving for chocolate which I cured by having the maid buy Meiji BLACK, a rich dark chocolate bar which is pretty cheap. I am also trying to cut back on cigarettes since I can practically feel the tumors growing in my throat, larynx and lungs (or wherever).

I've become a veritable lecher. I crave the men I've had sex with, and even the men I haven't had sex with. Admittedly this is an escapist thing. But aside from the fact that sex fills me with exquisite pleasure and immense well being, it also passes the time and keeps my mind away from heavier and darker thoughts such as..

...money, the environment, local politics, upcoming elections, things I want to buy, family, familial relations, love, true love, soul mates, savings, my future, my plans, moving out, work, career, life goals...

I keep these thoughts at the back of my mind on a daily basis so whenever I need a breather I have sex, or masturbate.

There's nothing I love more than 3 simultaneous orgasms in the morning. Either from sex or manual stimulation. It just feels good. Amazing. Warm and wet and liquid.

My past partners are all busy with their lives. Working or studying for the finals or already on a cruise ship somewhere sailing hopefully to a better future. I bother them once in a while. Annoy them through SMS. Ask them out.

Yes I am one of those girls that have no problem asking guys out if I want to. As long as I already know them. I'm shy with strangers. I'm also shy when it comes to people I want to take seriously. When it comes to guys I just want to sleep with, I am bold, brash and brazen.

I need to break this cycle for several reasons:

1) My room is a mess, haven't been able to fix my things in a while.
2) I need to rest. My energy is depleted from constant partying and drinking and ingesting substances.
3) If I don't control myself, I'm gonna end up sick of this again pretty soon.
4) There's no one new to fuck.

There. Which is why I'm staying in, channeling my energies in other creative pursuits which will hopefully bend this nymphomaniac curve.

Male friendships are a weird, complex thing that evolves differently dependent on the cast of characters.

Some guys bond over PS, or poker or basketball. Some just drink and chase skirt together. Some have a deep and unbreakable bond which leads them to share each others deepest fears and emotions. Some sleep at each other's house and use each other's house as motels.

Weirdly enough O has been awkward since I slept with V. It's not that he ignores me, or that he's been mean to me. It's the little things.

I had an idea something was up when I said goodbye to him at his event, when I left with V. His eyes were blank, after he said his perfunctory, "Goodbye, take care,have fun" message (V had already told him we were leaving together), he immediately left me, my mouth sort of agape, like he couldn't wait to be away from me. Granted there were a lot of people. Granted it was his event. But his eyes were blank. His eyes were never blank when he looked at me before.

Aside from the fun teasing, flirting, groping relationship O and I also enjoyed a close friendship borne of similar intentions that were out in the clear. He wanted me, for some reason or other, I wanted him. Now he doesn't know how to approach me or talk to me.

Yesterday when he passed me on the corridor he did not know how to touch me. We are both very touchy people and he normally taps my ass or my hips when we pass each other. Yesterday he opted for the safe fleshy part of my arm as he passed, saying my name in greeting.

Whereas before we went out in public fo our little meetings and discussions (free-lance work related), now he would rather not spend time with me, and becomes awkward when we do get into those situations.

I know boys talk. I know V probably told him about sex with me. Whether good or bad I don't know. I just wish this stupid damnfool notion that once I've been branded (dick literally stamped in my pussy) by his friend, then he can't touch me. I am not a lamp post that dogs piss on to mark their territory. O can touch me whenever he wants to. In fact things were more interesting when he touched me. It's not like Im engaged to V, or like he even has any lingering lasting interest in me.

I'm ok with the no cheating rule he has (which lists full on sex as the mortal sin, all others venials that can be committed). But I hope we can have the old banter back. The old closeness. Damn. Besides, I liked it when things were interesting.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.

I always joke about being a slut but now I think it's a self-fulfilling prophecy already.

March 31 is the latest in a string of 3 Fridays where I've been sleeping with different guys.

V (from previous post) and I have been texting. He wasn't sure if he was going to this thing organized by O. But I bugged him and told him to go, so he went.

We met up there where some people proceeded to tease us. Specifically our common friend R who was kind of drunk.

V and I had previously agreed to waste time together as we had no plans of sleeping. He had work at 6AM, I had work at 8 AM. When V got to the venue, he basically waved then ignored me. He walked around, said hi to everyone (as he knew all of them). My friend who was sitting beside me asked if he should leave so we can sit together. I got pissed finally and sent V an SMS, "sit beside me, you said we were gonna drink". So he did. He sat beside me, we started chatting and I gave him a hand massage.

Funny but I had previously discussed with a friend that I was texting him but I did not remember what he looked like. When he walked into the place and I saw him, I whispered, "I remember, I like him."

We talked, he drank a beer, etc...etc...All the while we were giving off "fuck me" body signals. I was having doubts as to where we were headed as I was being visited by Bloody Mary (stupid period, stupid ovulation cycle).

He suddenly said that he was going to Sta. Mesa by himself (motel strip) to sleep. I teased him that that was sad. He said, "then join me so it'll be fun." I looked at him and he stared right back. I broke the gaze and whispered, "I can't, I have my period." He said, "cool, you're safe I can come inside."

So we ended up leaving. Well, actually, he made the rounds first, said goodbye to everyone. I went up to O to say goodbye when he revealed he already knew by saying, "Goodbye, have fun." and walking away.

V left first and I got confused until I received his message. I saw him walking along the main road. We met up at a place nearby (discretion?) and got a cab.

We went to this motel, his arm around me in the cab, one hand already squeezing my ass.

We had sex, he was damn good. There's a difference between getting laid, getting fucked and having sex. Getting laid is you just get it, getting fucked is being pounded into the mattress and leaving dents on the wall, having sex is pretty damn fine.

His tongue is magic: lightly flicking all over me. Damn, can't go into too many details I might come right here as I remember everything and the sensations wash all over me.

We had sex, then we slept. We were both tired as we both just came from work. He put his arms around me and slept. We were entwined for the better part of the night. Sleeping. Whenever he woke up accidentally, we would make out then go back to sleep. It was sweet.

He kept teasing that I was disappointed and still wanted more. I wanted more all right, but I wasn't disappointed. I wanted to have sex with him over and over again.

Damn. God help me but I really like this guy.

I swore to myself when O introduced me to his friends that I would not entertain them. I agreed for him to give my number to H but I was sef-confident enough that I could resist H's charms.

Now, having just come home from a drinking session with O's friend V, I realized that this whole concept of being behaved (in relation to his friend) was not going to work.

O and I met up at our regular place to discuss some work related crap. He introduced me to V, a friend of his who was the exact opposite of H. When I met H, we had a conversation, he used his wit and charm to break down my defenses and make me feel at ease. V virtually ignored me this entire night, and only started showing interest late in the game. I noticed V the first time I saw him. Tall dark and masculine, with his deep voice and adorable laugh (or maybe it's the alcohol talking, but no H never made it for me). O whispered, as he was caressing my thigh (as V was making comments), don't mind him, he's trying to make the moves on you.

I had no idea if he was serious or not. But I liked V. Definitely.

In the second bar we went to tonight , we saw H, who made a show of making sure he had my correct number, a fact I'm sure V did not miss as he was right there. Anyway, we got into a cab where O asked me to drop him off near his house. V and another friend R was there. V cajoled O into letting us drink at his place for one last round.

O was teasing V about me. O had his arm around me and was teasing V that they were friends and that they might fight if he made a move on me, but it was ok since his girlfriend was home, and that he shares.

We went. O was upset because his gf (who lived with him) was already upset. I had noticed that V's hand was already nearing the vicinity of my waist whenever we crossed the street. V, R and I drank at O's place, we stayed for a grand total of 15 minutes before O kicked us out (gf was upset with him). V made sort of discreet yet cute moves at making conversation.

R, V and I went home. R insisted on walking to the main road, teasing V to take care of me. V and I took a cab together, where he proceeded to make a pass at me and tease me about going home. He was like, do you have to go home? (insert cute laugh). He put an arm aroun me which on-purpose-accidentally touched my boobs to which I responded, Ouch! (mammaries still sort of sore from last escapade).

I directed the cab to my house. I was leaning on V's shoulder and his arm was around me, his hand caressing mine. He was making the typical moves guys make when they think I'm cute, caress my hand, run fungers through my hair, pinch my nose, etc... V took the insanely inopportune time to kiss me when we were about 2 meters away from my house. As a result, we missed my house. I said, wait, we already passed my house! The cab took a u-turn to get me there. V stood up, got out and opened the door of the cab for me. I got out of the cab where I fully intended to tell V that I was going to give him cash for my share of the fare when he suddenly kissed me. The kiss was short and sweet. He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere else. I told him that I had to go home as I was about 10 steps away. He alluded to a maybe-next-time. I just smiled

I walked to the gate and got in with a huge smile on my face.

Sorry O, I can resist H but not V. V is a cutie!

Still tired and sore from my Friday escapade. Damn.

There's just something innately satisying about having good sex. It's better than getting shitfaced drunk, better than being happy on doobie, better than eating a couple of thousand calories worth of sinfully rich chocolate cake. It's just satisfying in a deep emotional and physical way.

It's difficult to explain to people who have never been fucked properly. Sad little boys and girls who have not yet learned to shed the socio-political and cultural stains on sex. Or girls and boys who just have no game.

A couple of years back, when my friend A was still in the country, we discussed our plans for the future. Then I was still working as a CSR, and I had become despondent about the future of my dreams.

I had jokingly mentioned an old fantasy of being a whore, an escort, someone who got paid to have sex. A innocently asked, why not?

A concern was, that I wanted to be able to choose my customers. I wasn't willing to sleep with every old bastard for the money. The thing is, hot guys almost never pay for sex.

Another problem, as related to O last Friday, was that men think they can do anything if they pay for it. I mean, even now, when I am not getting paid (doing it for the love in other words), some men still think they can do whatever they want. Sometimes with good, often with bad results.

So yeah, make me your whore, your dirty slut. But you have to follow the rules. Like N found out the hard way, being nasty won't get you any repeats.

My friend Tinkerbell is currently working in Dubai. Earning good money and working well.

I am currently working in the Philippines. Earning little money, working hard, doing the job I was meant to do, but getting paid doodly squat.

Before my friend left for Dubai she did tell me that she was gonna get me once she was settled. I didn't want to honestly.

But now, even when I am doing what I like. I realized that man cannot live on bread alone, we want meat , we want ice cream.

My mom's for it. Of course. For me to leave, help the family. I sort of want it, escaping the family, going out on my own.

Meg says, good money, cute boys, lots of ukay-ukay (haha, I can't believe this is one of the selling points). I do want to leave, make it on my own at some point in time before I'm settled.

Anyway, who knows. Meg's pushing for me within the year. All I said is, I'll think about it.

If I do leave, I'd already promised to sleep with X and O before I depart. Which is why they're for it I guess, those assholes.

Yes there is a difference between getting laid and getting fucked. Last week I got laid. Delish sex with some guy I met last summer. Last night. I got fucked. And fucked very very well. As I am writing this, my body's still sore and I love it!

Friday date, or (why mince words), sex night always gets me pumped up. I started the day high as a kite, pumped up on my booking for the night with young stud we can hide with the initial B.

B is a young 22 y/o guy I met on Friendster. Yeah, typical right?

We started messaging on YM some time back, around last year. I forgot who started messaging whom. We'd tried hooking up before but I just was not ripe. Now I am.

We were supposed to go out last week. But something came up. Work and K (Galera bartender).

I had warned him I was extremely paranoid, owing to quite a couple of assholes I'd already met. I warned him I was prone to calling a couple of hours before to confirm. I called him during lunch and he said yes, we are all systems go. Damn.

The whole day I was extremely hot and bothered. So hot and bothered that the previosuly alluded to O (office guy), has been getting extremely jealous. I have no idea why, he can't do anything really sexual since he's in a relationship (but this doesn't prevent him from asking for a blowjob, haha).

Anyway, I didn't want to go home after work anymore, I wanted to go straight to my thing with B so I had been asking people to drink with me. No one was sure until O asked me if I wanted to eat dinner together. I was like sure. As long as I get to drink while you eat.

O had been getting pretty worked up again recently. Probably owing to the fact that now we had no bet (I backed out of the 500 pesos let's see who gives in bet), that now I am getting laid, and that his friend asked for my number. But we are becoming pretty good friends, and things seemed harmless enough so I went with him.

We ended up going to this old place we both knew, where he was pretty familiar with the people. We ate, or rather, he ate dinner and I started drinking San Mig light. Now, everyone knows I have a low tolerance for alcohol, especially when I'm giddy and horny. All substances I take, be it prescription drugs, fragrant herbs or alcohol, enhance my natural horny state.

So anyway, I forced him to drink Red Horse, during which, the course of the conversation, he halfed it, gave me half, then he poured like 1/4th of his bottle unto my glass. Probably becasue I mentioned I get hornier when I drink, the fact that I was already frustrated because B was not texting (I would later find out he did not wake up from his 5 PM nap til 11 pm).

O and I were talking about sex, typical conversation fare when I'm around. Anyway, he was shaking his head and smiling, showing off whatever charm the genetic lottery had given him (which admitted aren't that many).

It was time to leave, already 10-ish, and I had given up all hope of B ever texting (well, not entirely). We left and took a cab. Since we both lived nearby I insisted he take me home first since, hello?, I'm a girl.

We fooled around a little bit in the cab. Just a little. We've been doing this whole flirting thing for weeks now, and he still has not kissed me on the lips. Probably because: a) he knows when he kisses me on the lips, the ball games over, he'll give in, b) a kiss on the lips is beyond the cheating coda in his head, or c) a kiss has emotional value with him. But it doesn't stop him from groping all my usual hot spots. I dragged him out of the cab when we got to my house.

We stayed at my house for a while, not really doing anything that kinky, but sort of teasing each other. Then he left. I decided, oh well, B's not texting me, might as well masturbate. I was already setting the mood when I suddenly get this message from B. He'd just woken up and he's extremely sorry. I call him, he calls me, we were still on.

We met up at Gateway, got take out at MickyDee's (got me a happy meal toy!), and proceeded to Eurotel.

The night was divine. He was, is, so damn fine in bed. Probably because he's physically fit, he was able to make me come a grand total of 5 freaking times before he came. And this when he was sleepy and tired.

He spoke really well. By this I do not mean he's a debater, but that he really knows how to talk dirty. Nothing too dirty, but just all the right come-ons while I'm on top of him. He knows how to touch women. Knows how to give compliments(haha). It doesn't matter that he didn't go down on me, or that I didn't go down on him (well, I sort of made a half-ass effort, but it wasn't a highlight). The fucking was enough. It was a wham-bam-thank you ma'am fuckfest. There was zer0 foreplay, seemed like that had all been done when we were online.

Damn. It was good. Rough and hard just the way I liked it. So fucking hard I think I'll be sore until Monday. Who knows if we'll have a repeat. It's okay if we don't, but it's better if we do.

He was being completely honest when he mentioned he liked cuddling after. Because we did cuddle a lot after. He just sort of slept with his arms around me. He did wake up when I took his pic. hehe

Such a sweetheart that boy. Especially when I massaged his hands. I wanted to give him a full body rubdown but he said no, maybe next time. To which I replied in all curiosity, there's a next time? Then he joke-pretended to go to sleep. Which is such a Joey Marquez thing to do.

I always get pissed when guys allude to a repeat performance when there is none. I know what I'm doing, I'm a grown up. No matter how sweet I may seem during, before or after the act, I am jumping in the water with open eyes.

It's just sex, sometimes good sex, hopefully never bad sex. So don't ride on my emotional high after.

Anyway, I do hope B the best. And I hope for a repeat, but who knows? The way things are right now I can't really tell. But I liked it when he touched me. I liked it that he turned me out. I can live without him. But God, he's a good fuck.
---
B, If you ever get to read this. I had fun, enjoyed myself immensely. God love you sweet one. You are blessed with your many talents. hahaha. Mwah. -J-

Oh yeah, finally off the JT, Akon phase induced by hanging out with 19 y/o boy. NOw weirdly into Fall-Out Boy, Hilera and Panic!at the Disco. Why? Who knows?

Sugar We're Going Down is perfect, so is This Ain't a Scene it's an Arms Race. Panic! had me at hello, er, I Write Sins Not Tragedy. MCR is cool too. lol! But locally Hilera has me by my fictional balls.

Our airwaves are being infected with sweet pa-cool rock, when Hilera has got the real deal. No trying hard Emo here.

I've been trying to get a hold of Sunflower Show mp3s, and Hard Boiled Eggs mp3s. Guess I have to buy a CD huh? Damn!

It's just insane the way things currently are in the local "popular" rock scene. A lot of good young bands that don't get enough exposure. Please! Enough of Urbandub, Itchyworms, Kjwan (damn!), Sandwich, Pupil, Chicosci and Typecast already! Give the airtime to those bands that need, the new ones! Give them the exposure! They're really really good!

I'm just really tired of listening to the same bands over and over and over. Can we pleeeeaaassseeee give chance to others?