Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I found the most appropriate song on my iPod for my current mood.

Well I wanted you
I wanted no one else
I thought it through
I got you to myself
You got off
Every time you got on to me
I got caught up
In favorable slavery

Was it wrong? Was it wrong?

I guess it wasn’t really right
I guess it wasn’t meant to be
It didn’t matter what they said
‘Cause we were good in bed
I guess I stuck around so I could watch us fight
for all the wrong reasons
No, it didn’t matter what I tried
It’s just a little hard to leave
When you’re going down on me
I guess I stuck around so I could watch us fight
for all the wrong reasons

Well you know my friends
Well they know your enemies
I’d pretend
Not to hear what they said to me
‘Cause I got off
Every time you got on to me
Was it wrong
To go along with insanity?

Was it wrong? Was it wrong?

I guess it wasn’t really right
I guess it wasn’t meant to be
It didn’t matter what they said
‘Cause we were good in bed
I guess I stuck around so I could watch us fight
for all the wrong reasons
No, it didn’t matter what I tried
It’s just a little hard to leave
When you’re going down on me
I guess I stuck around so I could watch us fight
for all the wrong reasons


I guess it wasn’t what I wanted,
It wasn’t really what I thought,
I thought it was the day I got,
I want it all to go away,
I guess it wasn’t what I wanted,
It wasn’t really what I thought,
I thought it was the day I got,
I want it all to go away,
I guess it wasn’t what I wanted,
It wasn’t really what I thought,
I thought it was the day I got,
I want it all to go away,
I guess it wasn’t what I wanted,
It wasn’t really what I thought,
I thought it was the day I got,
I want it all to go away

I guess it wasn’t really right
I guess it wasn’t meant to be
It didn’t matter what they said
‘Cause we were good in bed
I guess I stuck around so I could watch us fight
for all the wrong reasons
No, it didn’t matter what I tried
It’s just a little hard to leave
When you’re going down on me
I guess I stuck around so I could watch us fight
for all the wrong reasons

Monday, May 19, 2008

I always thought that the best compliments are those given by those who know what they're talking about. So when a person I find hot calls me hot, then that means something.

I have had a pretty good winning streak when it comes to sex. Most (not all) of the men I've slept with have gone back around looking for it. Most all of them come back. Most all of them want it again. Plus the fact I've been fucking young boys, this mostly means that I get complimented a lot.

They're all easy. Too easy in fact. I'm kind of getting tired of how easy it is to get laid nowadays (wait til I stop getting it, then I'll start complaining there's no one to sleep with). I've gotten used to Ak complimenting me. To Cc trying to fondle me stealthily. To Ry awkwardly trying to get into my pants. To that speedfucking dude trying desperately (and unwittingly) to get into my pants. But when someone you consider a master compliments you, that's something.

H told me recently that sex with me was always great. And, as I see it, there was no reason for him to lie. Fuck I was already naked with him when he said that. There was also this conversation:



H: Would you be offended if I told you whenever I see you I think about sex?

JG (Jean Grey): No.

H: Whenever I see you I think about sex.

JG: I thought you always thought about sex. What do you mean?

H: It's just that when I see you or think about you I think 'I wonder what she's gonna teach me next?'

JG: Really? But...You're more....advanced....in years...


But yeah I was happy. Flattered. Of course young boys may think I'm good but when it comes to H, it's actually a compliment. Cos he has had more girls. And he's quite good himself. I think its just the chemistry.

I forgot to tell him I thought about sex whenever I thought about him too...

I really believe in saying/doing/feeling whatever I want. And I don't believe these thoughts should be suppressed so here it goes:

  • what the fuck am i gonna do with all the cheezy songs I downloaded for you? (delete it)
  • the playlist i created for your mixed CD would've been great!
  • i was gonna teach you the biting thing next
  • i haven't even swallowed your cum yet :(
  • but i am hotter than her
  • i wanted to tell you something about your penis...
  • sex was good but not that good
  • does this mean i can give the bags to my mom?
  • i wanted to take care of you
  • i hope you still try to clean your room
  • i liked it when you were taking care of me
  • i liked it better when you were just a voice on the phone
  • next time you have an affair, try ending it better
  • i wanted to improve your taste in music...
  • ...and in movies...
  • ...and in clothes...
  • i'm really not as much of a spoiled brat as you think i am
  • i do think you should go back to school
  • you're a nice boy, don't cheat
  • i still don't believe in religion
  • i kinda flinched whenever you prayed before eating, i was wondering where the hell i found you and why the hell i kept you around
  • it was nice that you sang for/to me, that hasn't happened in a while
  • i will try to sing videoke more
  • i wanted to mother you
  • i am still going to grow my hair longer though
  • you were stifling me
  • you had to ask me thrice who i was talking to?
  • i am tempted to tell you to look for me when you're single, but i know i will never really take you seriously...
  • ...i probably would have cheated on you...
  • ...i was kind of looking forward to cheating on you actually...
  • ...i felt i wanted to teach you a lesson...
  • you should be flattered
  • i think your lisp is cute
  • you were...average
  • making out with you in public was nice
  • you pretend to be nice, when you're actually not
  • you did end up making me miserable...just for a little while though
  • i curse you, you will...everyone does
  • you were right, you didn't deserve me
  • you reminded me of my ex...
  • ...and A...
  • ...and kinda like Cc...
  • ...but i did like you
  • for no reason at all
  • i was going to make you sooo good in bed

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Killer's Instinct

I seem to have lost it. Or misplaced it.

Ever since I made the not terribly smart yet horribly compelling choice to see this man steadily, my instincts have been off. I got victimized by a speedfucker. I have not accepted the blatant attempts at flirting care of H and Cc. I am unfocused and undisciplined when it comes to work. I am distracted and moody. Or maybe this is all me PMS-ing. Or maybe because he got me used to constantly talking to him. Then he got me used to constantly seeing him. Then he just went away.

Regardless. I have been all of those things recently. Insane mood swings. Acting high as a kite then low as...well...an ant that lives underground? Anyway, there I was pissed, bored, lazy, still sleepy. And a chance to play presents itself.

An old friend is online. One of the boys we used to work with. One I never got to play with.

To provide a little back story: everyone teased him about being gay behind his back. I never really thought he was actually gay, I just always thought he was weak. We got to be close before. I got to talk to him a lot because he seemed like the mature one in the group. We got to hang out one on one. Bv always said it was because this boy wanted me too.

Everything came to a head when I asked him to drop by the office. He actually lived nearby so it wasn't that much of a problem. It was just me and Bv anyway. So yes he drops by. Imagine my shock when I see him all dressed up. Fresh from the bath no less. Looking all fresh and kind of cute...

So he comes. I want to say I was prepared, except I wasn't. A number of late nights and all-nighters...I looked tired, haggard. Bv, being who he is, gave us a chance to be alone. And the opportunity was there. He was shy, wouldn't look at me. Yet he kept coming near me. Kept wanting contact, wanting proximity. And I didn't take it.

In my defense, I was thinking of taking Ak seriously at the time. And I was tired. But the hunting instinct could've been there. Prey was rubbing against the predator, yet the predator did not bite.

So the prey went home. Bv surprised, shocked and generally concerned as to why the prey slipped away. I told him I was tired. Then I told him I was distracted. Ak was on my mind at the time. And yeah, it kinda felt...not worth it?

This boy was sweet. He was kinda. But the lack of balls on his part kinda clinched it for me. Someone who can barely look you in the eye is kinda weaker. I no longer want weaker men.

Life is a Circle

And yes, yes, the circle of life. I am familiar with the movie the Lion King. I know what it means. I have the quintessential Disney soundtrack album downloaded (I know, so uncharacteristic right?).

Yes, also like the gin commercial: Bilog ang Mundo (the world is round).

So why do I say this? Because I am almost exactly where I am after I ended it with H. We-eell...not really.

There was no semi-drunken I'm-such-a-dirty-slut mode. There was no overdose of Amy Winehouse songs (hmm...may have substituted that this time for Duffy, with her 'I won't be your mistress anymore' songs). And no, I have not gone on major shopping trip, mostly because I am a bit low on funds. I barely know if I've been hysterical and depressed constantly because of Ak or of the fact I am abandoned with a mountain load of work to do. The lines get blurred sometimes.

I am a chronic escapist, plus I don't often trust my emotions. And I play-act. That plus many of my other flaws (trust issues, penchant for unavailable men, obsessive-compulsive/borderline disorder) makes it hard for me to know how I feel exactly. I mean, how the hell difficult was it for me to decide to gun for Ak right? Oh please, ultra-femme fickleness.

But when you start to get addicted to songs with lyrics such as these...

Stepping Stone
by Duffy

I rememeber way back way back when
I said i never wanna see your face again
Cause you were loving yes you were loving somebody else
And i knew oh yes i knew i couldn't control myself
And now they bring you back into my life again
And so i put on a face just like your friends
But i think you know oh yes you know whats going on
Cause the feelings in me oh yes in me are burning strong

...how the hell can you not think about an old lover who has a girlfriend?! Then the resolve kicks in during the chorus of the same song...

But I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own


...so yes, my predictions that this whole trip would be over after the weekend was right. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. And I got laid. With H no less. Who recently broke up with his girlfriend (yes, which means we cheated on her the last couple of times we hooked up.sigh.)

So why is life a circle? I am where I was before Ak arrived to fuck it all up. Admittedly it wasn't all his fault. I kinda wanted him to fuck it all up. I wanted to feel something different for a change. Think of it as bungee jumping . It's something stupid, unnecessary yet completely exhilarating.

I admit I wanted to jump. Not because I had to. Not because I felt it was the only course of action I could take. But because it was different from not jumping.

So the emo mode ensued. I was a bit despondent. Didn't indulge in black chocolate and milk though, like the last time. I cried. I think it was because of Ak and not despair at my approaching deadline. I felt like I was going crazy. Thinking about him.

Then I decided I don't give a fuck about anything else. I was going out. And I did. And got some drinks. Ended up with H. Again.

And it was like the reset button was hit. I didn't know the button was hidden aaaaall the way inside... But it was.

Fuck sex is great with H.

Oh and Ak? The weekend is over. And as predicted. Not hurting anymore.

Friday, May 16, 2008

End it in Silence

So. I've been decided on the Ak issue. By Ak I mean that boy I was kinda seeing. That boy I had sort of decided I'd pursue actively despite his girlfriend. The boy who I kinda wanted to make the stupid decision for.

First I was confused about whether I would go after him. But then... I decided I would. Then I decided I wouldn't. Then I decided I'd just go with the flow. Then I decided I didn't want to be his mistress anymore. Then at the first sign that he wanted me back (after about 3 days) I went to him. Then I decided I was gunning for it. Then he disappeared.

It all started with him not doing my bidding. Not coming when I asked him to. Despite me pulling all the stops. Which upset me. Then he called after a couple of days hoping to catch me at work. But I wasn't available. Then...silence.

Silence.

Despite text messages that ask him, tell him and basically caress him into seeing me.

Silence.

Then I hear he's just been staying in. That it seems he's gotten caught by the girlfriend.

I check myself. Nope. Not that upset. Missing him of course. Yet not that upset.

Then out of the blue. A phone call. Asking some random thing. Stupid. Casual. I woke up from my nap. Disoriented. Kinda surprised/worried/excited that it was him.

He was...casual. No terms of endearment this time. Just a question. Then he hangs up. I send him an SMS teasing him about his ways.

Then he calls back. Assures me that the reason he couldn't talk was because he was busy. He was getting a haircut. I tease him about not being around then suddenly appearing again. I don't remember how he brushed the topic off. He says he has to hang up and he'll talk to me later.

I send him another SMS. Tease him about going missing.

Silence.

Sent him another message. After wrestling with myself, I decide to ask him why he went missing. I ask if he was in trouble. A clear opening for him to tell me he can't see me anymore because he got caught.

Silence.

Silence.

In the end I tell him to never bother me again.

Here are some of the reasons why I think he called:

  1. He really had an important reason for asking me said random casual question. He called back because he wanted to assure me he wasn't avoiding me because...? I dunno. Any statement here aside from the dubious 'he wants to be friends' scenario doesn't fit. Why would he call back to reassure me that he didn't have time to talk but wanted to?
  2. He called to ask said question because I would know the answer and he thinks we're ok. He called back for same reason.
  3. He called because he misses the sound of my voice. He called back to reassure me that he'll call me again...some day.
  4. He called because he knew that he had a hold on me and he wants me fucked up.

There are also these reasons why he didn't reply to my messages or call me back:

  1. He became busy.
  2. Girlfriend was with him
  3. He was too scared to take the hint I left him. He didn't want to say it was over because he was scared of hurting my feelings.
  4. He didn't want to end things because he wanted to be able to come back when and if he wanted to.
  5. He just didn't think a reply was necessary.

Either way. These reasons just mean he's either a moron or an asshole. And really if those are the only two choices. Then what's the fucking point.

I meant what I said in the SMS though.

Stay The Fuck Away. We are NOT friends. We were LOVERS. Who had an AFFAIR. Let's be specific and just end it. Then I can move forward.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Old Lover

You were right when you said you didn't deserve me. I am too good for you. And I'll prove you right in approximately 7 months. Wait for it.

Wait this sounds eviler than I actually want it to be. Ok I'm still hung up about the sudden disappearance of that dude. And yes I'm kinda bored and I need a break from work so I want to write. However, my main point is: you are too weak for me. I think everyone knew that you. You. Me. Our friends.

It was apparent. Though I let you bully me sometimes. Everyone knew who was stronger. Me.

You were like an incarnation of X. An incarnation I could wipe the floor with. Mainly because though you are cute and sweet and young... you weren't my type.

Ok, what I really want to say to you?

Dear Old Lover,

I am glad you finally made a choice. And I hope you will stick to it. Because I will give in to sex. Always. Even I make a stupid "I don't wanna be your mistress anymore," statement. I'll still fuck you. There is history there. And I have never turned down a good fuck. So stick to it. Let's never see each other again. Promise?

Yep. Searched all the major heart valves, ventricles, arteries, chambers. Heart not broken. All ok. Pride...a little bruised. Yet not that upset. Let him do what he will. And so will I.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Best Revenge

Ok. So I made a mistake. I overestimated the hold I had on him. It has now been 1 week and 5 days since we last fucked. So in my mind, this means we're no longer seeing each other. And I have confirmation you've just been avoiding me.

I am actually surprised that this anti-climactic end has not affected me in greater ways. I mean I did like him. I think. I did want him. Definitely. Yet now, I seem to not care that he's away.

Maybe because MMG (my moral guardian, yes a man actually stands as my last defense) was insightful enough to recognize: you don't like him, you're just fascinated.

Yep, fascinated. With the thought, the wonder, the maybe of it all. The possibilities were better than the actual thing. The 'what if?' of something. Something that wouldn't even have lasted a year.

I know us that well baby. I know we don't fit long term. But I still hate it that you disengaged first. Jean Grey always does the leaving. Damn I should've jumped the gun.

But I wanted to see how far things could go. Though I did go all emo-batshit before over this motherfucker, seems that now I've regained my senses and seen the light. Thoughts turn again to my main goal. My main evil goal to be exact.

I always believed vengeance is one of the best motivators in the world. You end up being successful, gorgeous and insanely rich and envy ensues. Be everything all the others can't be.

I have a long list of people to look at when I reach the top. He just got added to the list. One evil goal: make ex-lovers and haters filled with regret.

The program starts now.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

The Ideal

My friends and I used to play The Ideal Game. This game involves a whole lot of imagination and a culmination of daydreaming and fantasies. The realistic ones of course. I've never told anyone during an Ideal Game that my ideal me 5 years down the road would be 2 inches taller and European.

One thing that stuck to my head recently was my consistent answer to the Ideal Day 5 Years from Now If I Were In A Relationship. It had to be clearly delineated that my answer was for a day with an S.O. Since, ordinarily, an S.O. wasn't really part of my ideal.

And it freaked me out when I played the game recently. The last time I had played it I was 22 years old. Now I was turning 25. And still. Nowhere near ideal.

My ideal day was always clearly delineated in my mind. Living with my partner in some crowded city on top of some tower with my own pool. Yes this means I want a penthouse. With a big furry dog (golden retriever. By then I reckon I'd be sick and tired of small toy dogs. ). Waking up together. Having sex. Having breakfast. Going for a swim and walking the dog as he leaves for work. Writing at home. Submitting articles and sending revisions off to my publisher. Him coming back. Having dinner and Jack and cokes (future me still can't imagine liking wine). Going to a friends art exhibit. Talking with interesting people. Having intelligent conversations. Being mostly adored by the our smart, witty trendy friends whom we adore back. Going back home to have sex. Waking up the next day and doing it all over again.

Is it so difficult to find a hard working, attractive, attentive creative man? Of course the category includes someone who is attracted to a semi-neurotic, moody, bratty, bitchy, sexually addicted and nicotine famished woman.

Well... that's why it's called an ideal.

Mistress Hang Ups

One of the things I hate about being someone's mistress is th song "Lips of an Angel by Hinder". Of course I know I have the lyrics of the song posted somewhere in this site. But the fascination with that song lasted til I became a mistress again. i mean honestly, I'd very much prefer hearing "Don'tCha".

Yes I said 'again'. Moralists beware! Morally bankrupt woman on the lose! Aw fuck it. Really who cares? Well, some would argue the women I was helping cheat on. Well yeah. Them. I remember now. But then again. All's fair. And this is war.

So. I was a mistress about... hmm... twice before. Those were affairs. I'm not counting the ones where I just fucked guys who were in relationships. That was just fucking. Sometimes unintentionally. Because in my mind, I'd rather not know. And I always thought that guys who flirted with girls were naturally single. And, well, really, I'd just rather not know.

Affairs are different from one night stands and fuck buddy relationships. For one main reason. There's some kind of emotional involvement in affairs. There's an expectation. Not necessarily that you'll end up being the girlfriend. Just the expectation that what you do will be reciprocated.

I've been in four affairs discounting the one I seem to be in (if I still am, which i doubt). Three of those were with men who were in relationships, one, with H, just seemed like a nice love/lust affair that we called 'dating'.

They rarely if ever turn out good. Some will say karma, some will say lack of trust, who knows really. One of my love affairs happened because silly little girl me rejected the offer of a relationship only to regret it. The other love affair ended because I decided I couldn't handle being with someone who wanted me to be weak...or maybe because being in love with him scared the shit out of me.

So why am I, or was I, in one again? He was sweet. And he wormed his way into my consciousness. He had me used to him so that despite complaints I'd actually associated him with my days.

Then he disappears. Doesn't call, doesn't text. Disappears. It could be he got caught and is reforming his ways. It could be he's just busy. It could be that he's trying to make things up with his girlfriend cos he's been flaking on their things to prioritize me. It could be he's just playing a game. It could be that he's just waiting for things to cool off because he knows I'm mad.

But then again the bottom line is: I don't want to think about why. Which is the other thing I really hate about being a mistress. Which is why I never wanted to be one in the first place.

Why am I one then? Well, I might have to change that.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Each day through my window I watch her as she passes by.
I say to myself, "You're such a lucky guy."
To have a girl like her
is truly a dream come true.
Out of all of the fellas in the world
she belongs to you...

But it was just my imagination
running away with me.
It was just my imagination
running away with me...

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hooh
Soon we'll be married..
and raise a family.
In a cozy, little home out in the country
with two children, maybe three.
I tell you, I can visualize it all.
This couldn't be a dream for too real it all seems.

But it was just my imagination -- once again --
running away with me.
I tell you it was just my imagination
running away with me...

Every night, on my knees I pray,
"Dear Lord, hear my plea...
don't ever let another take her love from me
or I will surely die.."
Ooh, her love is heavenly;
when her arms enfold me,
I hear a tender rhapsody...
but in reality, she doesn't even know me

Just my imagination -- once again --
running away with me.
Tell you it was just my imagination
running away with me.
I never met her, but I can't forget her.
Just my imagination..
-- ooh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah --
running away with me

Making Time

The world's been chaotic lately. A whirlwind of men and boys and working. Everything's just insanely mashed up.

H is now single. Meaning those two times we ended up hooking up I was fucking someone who was in a relationship. Not that that was anything new for me. I've fucked before I looked several times before, often to find out that I had just been a party to cheating.

What upset me was that when we first started going out he told me that he wasn't a cheater. But then he also told me that he didn't want a relationship and that if he wanted one it'd be with me. Then he ended up back with his ex.

Now he's single again. But then there really is nothing there.

I am now in a bigger rut with Ak who I've been a pushover for. Then the one time I really wanted to see him he turned me down.

Maybe I am just being bratty. But I really should think this whole "gunning for Ak" thing over.

Fickle minded me.

But if I think I can't win, I won't fight.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Cool

It all started with some hand sanitizer. Your dirty hands after you ate pizza. I handed you my tube of sanitizer so you could get a little cleaned up.

I was working. Distracted. My eyes mostly trained on the computer screen. Suddenly you got one of my hands. I wasn't paying attention until I realized cool liquid was flowing all over it. I looked at you as you took my other hand and started pouring hand sanitizer on it.

"I got too much" you said as you poured and massaged my hands with the sanitizer. The sensation was exquisite. Your hands as slippery as mine. The cool effect on my skin as the moisturizer dried off. I was getting turned on already.

"It's cold."

You never let go of my hands as you pulled me up and took me near the air conditioner. "It's colder when you hold it against the AC." We stand underneath the AC's vents. You raise both our hands to the cool air, your body pressed tightly behind me.

My eyes were on my hands enveloped in yours, my mind was on the sensation of two cool hands holding each other.

The next thing I know you were kissing my neck and your arms were wrapped around me.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Quitting the Game

I have no intentions of retiring from the game anytime soon. But recent conversations with people have made me think about it again.

I intend to be quiet and discreet and nice and silent. Which is mostly why this blog is anonymous. I don't want the hassle of explaining to everyone why I do what I do. Which is why I'm trying to stick to my own business.

But only one thing can make me hang up my hooker heels. The love of a good man.

Any good men out there? At all?

Thought so. So please let me stick to my little games. To my casual sex adventures. I'll eventually stop. So let me entertain you.

If There Was A Game

If I were playing...trying to steal someone from someone. I would normally just use whatever weapons I have at my disposal.

The first step would be to appear the best I can at all times. Whether or not I will be seeing that person. While I do try to stick to this rule at all times, it is imperative that I do this more so now. There must be a constant "wow" effect whenever I am seen. And being the best I can means: losing weight, always being sex-ready (shaved, plucked, powdered, perfumed and glowing) and getting my hair fixed (growing it out, getting the color re-done, getting it moisturized).

Aside from this I must have my own life, my own dreams, my own desires, my own stories. I do things apart and away from him. I am strong, independent, he is mostly my sign of weakness. My only and faltering sign of weakness. Everything else I have. The money, the looks, the charm, the brains. I'll show him all of it. Yet I'll still be very very sweet to him.

Why do this you say? He has got to have an idea of what he has and what he might miss.

The second would be to spend enough time to build rituals and traditions. To be a part of his everyday consciousness. To have him think and wonder. The songs he hears the movies he sees the moments he has, all tinged with a memory.

The third would be to pull away. To disappear. Poof.

Basically the main principle is to keep him guessing. Then when he knows and figures out that he really really wants it. Then he can have it. Or....er...maybe he can? maybe he can't?

I'm not really sure if there is a game, I'm not sure if there ever was a game. Has this trick worked for me? Well....with my first love....yes. I became a part of his every waking thought. Then we became a couple. Then I broke up with him.

Since then I could never really say I used this. H and V and all the others aside. I mostly just milked it for what it was worth then when there was no more milk I'd stop. That was it.

Am I using this now? Well...There is more of an incentive now to be pretty. But I haven't pulled out all the stops yet.

Suffice to say. I have no idea what I'm doing but if I wanted one the above would be it.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

In an episode of 30 Rock, Jack Donaghy tells Cici that he thought she "made love like an ugly girl, so grateful..." And there is another side to that story. If people who made love like an ugly person (or at the very least, like an immature person, acted grateful, and worked hard to please their partner, then pretty people did the opposite.

I met this dude (again, take a wild fucking guess, through Bv) a couple of months back. However, I only started seeing him recently when Bv decided to intervene for me and my sex life (sometimes I begin to take that his interest in my sex life comes from his lack of a substantial one).

He was pretty, looked like a Hollywood movie star. A cute one. Not like the weird Steve Buscemi/Billy Bob Thornton weirdos I normally find attractive. This one was textbook pretty. Someone who was unanimously found hot.

Sure he talked like a language-challenged, dyslexic, retarded, wanna-be gangsta lunatic. But he wasn't stupid, he just talked like he was. And he was cute. Should've been a player, but isn't really one. One of those boys who get to play just because he's handsome and rarely gets any repeats.

That was this one. Curiously, I felt no heat from him all the times we went out. Sure nothing physical happened. Just some hand touching and he kinda touched my face...I kinda touched his hand and knee... But it was mostly stupid stuff.

Eventually we fucked. And that. Just literally ended it all.

I have, as of date, including this fucker, had sex with a whole lotta guys. And, in truth, this one, this pretty boy with the bad talking skills, was the worst of them all. Worst. End of the line. Bottom of the pile. Not worthy to lick V's boots. Nor H. Not even the scum on Cc's shoes. This meant that he was total and utter crap in bed.

I've had a couple of bad fucks. Especially in the early times. When I was running around like a little bitch. Trial and error you know. Til you hone the radar. You don' really know how to pick out the winners til you hit a couple of bad ones. Literally this man was the worst ever.

First, we did not kiss until we were in the room. Then we ended up watching TV for a couple of minutes. I was half asleep when he finally hugged me and kissed me. Then he took off my jeans and my top. He did not kiss my breasts. He did not suck my nipples. He used his finger to just mark their place in a matter-of-fact way.

Then he put his fingers on my pussy. He commented that I was dry. He sounded surprised which kind of surprised me because we had done about 30 seconds of foreplay. The idiot believed that it was because I masturbated frequently. I did. I masturbate as often as I can. No other guy I've fucked has had that problem (I actually have references on this one).

Then idiot put on a condom and went with me under the covers. He thrust inside. And I was goddamn surprised that he was small.

He has foreign blood. He's half something. Some Middle Eastern or European or some shit like that. But he was...well...just...haha hahaha hahahahaha....not big.

Then when he was inside he started thrusting. Keep in mind this is all missionary, under the covers fucking. And I know this account is boring but trust me, the actual 2 minutes of fucking was infinitely more boring than this story.

So anyway. He kept up the same slow, lackluster pace for 2 minutes. Not accelerating, not thrusting harder. just the same steady in-out, in-out action. And the fucker came. Then he climbed off, went to the restroom, threw away the condom and lay down again. I must've looked so perplexed when I saw him cos he asked me if I came. I said no. And he even asked me if I normally take a long time to come. I said "no, just tired probly (like it was my fault, but hell the fucker was making out like it was)".

I ended up sleeping. I haven't had any sleep in a while and I had a couple of alcoholic beverages so I was really just goddamn sleepy. Plus it was the most frustrating night ever. So who the fuck cares if I fell asleep?

No wonder I never felt any heat from him. He's just a fast fucker. I didn't even know he was coming. When most guys come there's a difference in tempo, or in force, or they at least tell you. This one, this idiot, this pretty boy...nothing.

This is like the guy equivalent of the girl that just lies down there and not do anything. Which sucks cos while guys can get off on a pretty girl who's really nothing more than a warm, wet hole, women need more to actually come.

Some theorize that maybe he was just having an off night. One even had the gall to joke that I was frigid. I'm sorry but I've had good two-minute fucks before thank you very much. And not all quickies are horrible. This time I just felt like I was fucked over. Like I was goddamn used.

The guy is hot. Yet he has no fucking clue. Which is why he isn't a player. Which is why real players will disregard him. Which is why I will never EVER fuck him again. One horrible waste of time was enough. That weirdo.

Pretty boys suck ass.